Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Eternal Spinster..?!

You know that "Forever Alone" meme? Yeah, that's going to be me.
Why? I have a phobia of commitment and will only ever find someone attractive if I know they won't love me back (with the exception of Knight who I did in fact love whilst he liked me).
I'm genuinely worried. The only "boyfriend" I've really had in secondary school was Beaver, and that doesn't count!
What's brought this on, you may be wondering? My mother. She informed me that Prince told his mother that he would like to go out with me - but is too shy to ask (since he went through a really nasty break-up recently). Well, what the fuck do I do now?
If he had made this preposition in year 8 I'd be onto him ASAP, but now I just don't know...
So, in times of crisis like this, us Grammar Gals need tables of pros and cons..
1. I have my exams fast approaching and I don't want a guy to mess with my head beforehand.
2. I am a commitment phob - although, perhaps,by dating him I'd get over that?
3. He's a family friend - if we broke up it would be beyond awkward.
4. I'm still not completely over Knight - I only found out about his girlfriend yesterday, and until then I had though there may still be hope for us..!
5. Prince is moving to America in September - minus my exams and that would give us 2 months together, and he's a committed guy who wouldn't survive in a short-term relationship!

1. He was my first real love - I was infatuated, planned our children's names (!) and daydreamed about him constantly. So, the year 8 inside me is yelling at me to go out with him - I've just spent an hour and a half reading through old diary entries of mine about him...
2-7. He's perfect boyfriend material - tall, sweet, nice looking, cute smile, sarcastic, athletic... And he's a hopeless romantic, like myself.

But I'm not ready for a boyfriend yet - the Knight wounds are still too fresh, my exams are on the horizon and I'm too...anxious about having a boyfriend. Oh, how I hate myself! I am literally the most annoying person in the world - why cant I just go out with a guy like a normal person?! I blame it on my going to an all-girls school, it means I can't act normally around boys.

But I genuinely think I'll be cured by summer - when the exam stress is one less excuse for my not getting a boyfriend. I'd better be cured by then!

Keep you posted from the nunnery D:
Grammar Gal xxx


Briefest of Brief Knight [X] Update

Well, as of last night I've been aware that Knight is in a relationship and it's fiine. Seriously!
If it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be; c'est la vie :)

My parents (my stalker mother in particular) do not share this opinion, and it was difficult to restrain myself from laughing when my mother hacked my account and then saw the news. To say she took it badly is an understatement. She was outraged, then she was just sad and she is currently pitying me. The first thing she told my Dad when he returned home is that X has a girlfriend. This was followed by much discussion over the implications of my well-being which I laughed off :L

Oh, my fam are so special :')

Grammar Gal xxx

An Aretha Franklin Day

Right, so I got on the bus today, and sat behind a random guy. Then it hit me: this is Beaver (my "ex" - but I remain adamant that we did not go out). It was very very awkward. I had nothing to do with myself! I had left my iPod at home and my phone is somewhere hidden in the depths of my room... So I just sat there and felt thoroughly awkward.
Then a man and his dog suddenly came and sat next to me, closing me in since I was on the window seat. My worst fear: being trapped with a dog which smells of fish and rain and being sat behind my so-called "ex". 
However, there was a small silver lining - it turns out it wasn't Beaver, just some random dude who must have wondered why I had been analysing him from the back the whole journey...

Today has been a really good day. You know those days where you just feel like... Aretha Franklin? Yes, today is an Aretha Franklin day. Everybody was just lovely (except Awesome, who called me a "fail of a human being" but I know she means well...I think...) and the sun was (metaphorically) shining and lalalalalala :')

Keep you posted chums :)
Grammar Gal

Monday, 27 February 2012

The Poetry Complex

This post is going to be less about me rabbiting on about my life and more about giving advice to any girls out there who are feeling rejected/dejected/fed up/embarassed/pissed off/downright angry. It'd quite a simple rule that I've known for donkey's years really: "If you mind, let it rhyme" which is really just code for - 'if its pissing you off then make it rhyme with something'.

Genuinely it works!
An example may be...

"I'll only ever talk to that Bastard,
If I'm completely and utterly plastered"

For if you're feeling pissed off with a guy for, perhaps, not texting you back. Or perhaps he texted you, you felt a little tiny glimmer of hope and then you texted back and he didn't reply to the last text because he's a big fat stupid knob.

Hypothetically speaking of course...

Over and out,

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Oh, Prince...

...why are you such perfection?
Prince, apparently, called me "hot" and now my mother is planning our wedding. I must admit that I'm feeling a little wooed since he rarely ever sees me with make-up on so it's such a compliment. However, we must analyse how reliable this source is.
Firstly, it's from my mother. This is a woman whose sole aim throughout my teen years has been to find me a nice boyfriend. Hence, the source is rather unreliable.
Secondly, it wasn't put into context. It would be nice to think that Prince voluntarily said this to his mother, but the most likely scenario was she was pointing a gun to his head and forcing him to say he thinks I'm 'hot'.
The third explanation is that he's taken one too many footballs to the head and it's blurred his vision, making me of all people seem to be "hot" when I wear drab jumpers and jeans everywhere and Dry Shampoo is my life..!

Nonetheless, there are definite butterflies in this stomach of mine. He's lovely, funny and sarcastic.
Oh, what a blissful boy!
Problem: he's not going to America in a year as I thought. He's going in SEPTEMBER :O
That is in...7 months.
So that's really sad.
Like, Titanic sad.
But, the good news is, I'm maybe going to MTFO after all :')

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxxx


OK... I wouldn't exactly call it closure as such...
I no longer wallow to Magic FM or think about him incessantly or even think of him like THAT anymore.
However, it's not closure still, because I'm not 100% sure how to MTFO (Move The Fuck On)...
Oh, life...
On the plus side, I have just been babysitting my baby cousin who has now learnt exactly how to dance like me. Oh that boy is going to be popular when he's older...!

As you can see this is a remarkably short post because I'm trying to juggle typing with making sure the cousin priorly mentioned doesn't eat the lead out of all his colouring pencils...

Grammar Gal

Friday, 24 February 2012

Yay - closure! :')

You know that feeling when you finish your favourite book and it stays with you for a long time? Well that's what I was going through for a while - with you know who... But now it's over :O
I finally got my closure, strange as that may seem.
It comes in the form of My Bible (no, not the religious one!) - a.k.a. He's Just Not That Into You - if you haven't read it then go and buy it. It's amazing. I'm genuinely in love with it.
It makes you realise that there are other guys out there that will be into you and that you should just move on. Cheesy, I know.
So, with this newly acquired knowledge I looked out of my window for inspiration, when to my utter amazement that neighbour of mine walked past. Now, I wasn't focusing on what he was wearing - hence have no idea if he's too old for me, but let's not dwell - I got a good look at his face. Rather handsome, not going to lie! No, that doesn't describe him well enough. He's like the epitome of beauty. does one get to know one's neighbour?!
Hmmmmmm.... shall have some serious contemplation about this as the day progresses. It's frustrating that he's only recently moved in; see, if he's moved in before October I could have done the classic Trick Or Treat ploy to get that boy; this is obviously where you dress up as someone extremely cool/slutty and then knock on his door and pray to God that his mother doesn't answer (that would be beyond awkward but, let's face it, more probable).

ALSO, Yoyo and I are going fishing (in the boy sense) in summer after them stupid-arse GCSEs are out of the way. Literally CANNOT wait until summer.

Also, Prom (a.k.a. the core of my existence) is coming up. Dress backless too daring? Is black too grim? Is white too young? These are the real questions in life, not whether the Postman is too old for me (although I have decided that he IS rather on the 30-something side).

Oh, yeah, and Awesome Update: she called me (wait for it) a 'prude'. Now this would be insulting if it wasn't for the fact that this is so the opposite of myself, since I constantly have boys on the brain!
So, yeah, hmmmm... Wondering why she got this impression..!
Unless it's because I turned down that drunken offer to have sex with RF having only known him for 20 minutes. Oh, no, wait that just makes me a normal human being because
1. RF is dull
2. RF is slimy
3. RF is NOT good looking
4. RF thinks he IS good looking.


Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Thank God I avoided RF...!

Yesterday I met up with one of my best friends and it was brilliant. I caught up on her boyfriend, she obviously asked me about Knight but there's really nothing to say there. I like(d) him and he no longer likes me, so we should not dwell!
But oooo cast your minds back to RockerFella, remember him? He was boring but also slimy - let's not forget the first night I met him where he 'kindly contributed' 3 beer cans into my hands, whilst asking me if I'd consider having sex with him. When laughing at him and saying no, he then proceeded to call me frigid, to which I laughed even harder at and walked away to the string of more attractive and nicer boys at the party (one of whom gave me a stream of WKD which he opened with his belt :O - what a babe).
But I couldn't properly enjoy myself because RF was following me... In the end I told him (as I tell all boys that I meet it seems) that I have a boyfriend (Knight - even though that's not true, it should theoretically make them stop trying, albeit it seems to egg them on further. Boy logic :S )
Well, thus started RF and I on our boring relationship - true, he seems like a right godawful character and I thought it was all pretense and show, because as you know he's properly DULL. But, alas, no see Yoyo (my best mate) told me that he's used girls before...
Hence, he's not rebound material and I'm glad I dodged that...
See? This is what happens when a girl doesn't have a Knight In Shiny Abercrombie - she meets leaches and slimeballs. Great. The future is looking fantastic.
Then again, I have found out from Yoyo that Knight is pretty...loose at parties. If he was a girl we'd call him a slut.
Not that it bothers me at ALL because he's a free agent and if I was in his shoes I'd do the exact same. He's been single for 2 years and that girl rejected him so he's now free to go wherever he wants and snog/sleep with whoever he chooses.
And I shall wait for a more suitable Prince Charming to save me from my Tower of homework and whisk me away. Not looking likely.
Then again, I've only ever been in love twice in my life - with Prince and with Knight.
The deal with Prince: he's funny, sarcastic (like me), cute, tall and I've known him forever. He's the one I played that game with that resulted in him tickling me to death. We love him.
BUT he's not got that bad-boy characteristic that is just huminahuminahumina-aaaaa that some certain Knobs do possess :L
Also, he's a family friend - and though my Ma and his Ma are always trying to persuade us that the other fancies the other, it seems unlikely that we'd be able to date without it being strange.
Also, he's potentially going to America in a year's time remember.

Keep you posted from the nunnery I'll undoubtedly resort to living in,
Grammar Gal

Saturday, 18 February 2012

We are family...

It's official. I have the best parents in the history of ever. Tonight was a TOP NIGHT!!
I've just been out to TGIs to celebrate my uncle's 50th and we went in my other uncle's mini-school bus (he's a caretaker at a school and allowed to take the buses out!) to Bluewater. It was like a road trip!
On the way I felt uncomfortable because I was with my cool 20-something cousins who were laughing and loud and they're cool and cockney whilst I felt childish and posh in comparison.
Then we got to the restaurant. And my parents bought me a cocktail. Ooooh la la what a change!
I feel slightly fuzzy and happy and ahhhhhh I'm the most mahoosive lightweight but you only live once, right?
The mini-bus back was far more enjoyable with everyone singing songs, and I feel like I'm in some sort of movie :)
Now that I'm feeling so elated (I cannot call it tipsy because I havent had enough...right...?!) I must confess that I Wanna Dance With Somebody, and am feeling rather Whitney-Houston esque.
Well, my cousin has invited me to go see her in London for the weekend and I'm gonna see my sis up in Durham at some point so - yay- I'm growing up :')
I'm adamant to not do ANY work tonight and am going to do some crazy dancing in my room and watch a bit o' TV before retiring to bed.
Guten plan

Keep you posted my dearest chums,
Grammar Gal :D

P.S. A message to all of y'all : If you fancy someone then go and tell him BEFORE he goes to Africa. And when trying to "move on" don't move on to your postman who - let's not kid ourselves - is a little old...!

Oh Mr Postman...

Yes, the boy 2 doors down is an absolute dream (from what I vaguely remember) but - oh boy! - he's nothing compared the the postman.
I mean, he was actually beautiful. God-like. He was brunette and just gaaa gorgeous. Huminahuminahumina-aaaahhh
Now the only problem with the Postman is the Stubble Situation.
See, up until I went to France this year on the exchange, I had a rule about stubble:
- If a guy has stubble he's way too old for you.
However, in France all the sixteen-year old had stubble (and dayum it definitely looked good) so now I cannot decide if the yummy postman is a 30-year old-too-old-to-ogle-at or a 16-year-old-phwoar-yes-please...
You see the dilemma.

Gaaa it is absolutely imperative that I find my phone right now - I'm getting withdrawal symptoms D:
Also, I'm going to a fancy dress party tomorrow (literally cannot wait) dressed as Holly from Tiffanys - OMG outfit is all planned out and everything *faints with happiness* - now I just need to find the invite/ ask her where and when it is (therefore need to find my phone...)

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Thursday, 16 February 2012

New Boy in suburbia...

It is a truth universally acknowledged (sneaky Pride and Prejudice quote in there...) that a single boy who is tall and handsome and has just moved in next door, must be in want of a girlfriend. And this girlfriend's name must be GrammarGal.
Joking of course...!
Well, the truth is that the majority of my day has been spent ogling at him and pondering whether it's illegal to steal his post, wait for him to come come and then pounce of him, telling him the postman gave me his mail instead of mine. Then I realised that may be just a tad (as in a minute and teeny tiny bit) desperate? Pathetic? Downright weird?!
But, hey, I know you would all do the exact same in my situation. I mean, the boy isn't exactly NEW - he moved in a couple months ago but, in suburbia, that means he's as new as an iPhone 6 - I mean, nobody knows anyone down this road, so it's really no surprise that my eyes voluntarily went out on stalks when I encountered this oddity!

Now, if I were some smart and sassy American in a sitcom I may well make him "and his family" something and take it round there but there are 2 problems with this plan:
1. I'm pretty shy around new people - especially if they resemble...well I can't actually remember what he looks like precisely...but that is BESIDE the point! It's not like I'm looking for anything serious, it just makes a nice change to have a guy live down my road who is under 70..
2. I've only just mastered baking pasta and spring rolls - I think brownies may well be stretching it...!

This actually does remind me of when I was 10 years old and this boy, who was 11 years old, lived across the road and I thought PHWOAR EYE CANDY and talked to him a grand total of two times (once about bikes and the other about school) and then he left. It was so tragic - I mean, we had such a bond :L

Right, so X received that note and the plectrum and said he liked this blog site :)
It seems strange talking about him now that he has the URL, so let's just pray that he's not going to read it ever again :L Nonetheless, it seems that the days of openly calling him a Knob may be well and truly over :L
Indeed, we have talked a little which is guten (as the Germans say...I think...)

Valentine's Day was fun, huh? Being the original chicks that we are, Awesome and I (and two other complete babes) watched Valentine's Day ( :O ) whilst eating ice cream. Well, I say "we" ate the ice cream, but let's be truthful, they ate 1/4 of the tub combined and I ate the rest of it. Needless to say my stomach felt like exploding.

Ack! I have to go, I'm under Desk Arrest again (although, this time it's self-inflicted after I read a depressing-arse article about students revising for their GCSEs that are 3 months away = I panicked and hyperventilated metaphorically and yahufjhfjhwd) and the parents are on the prowl...

Grammar Gal xxx

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Breath of fresh air...

Ahhhh... I feel so...relieved I think the word is, like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wrote Knight a letter, including a URL to this site - so he can browse and see that I did truthfully fancy him up until a few weeks ago.
But now I feel rather happy - or, at least, I'm no longer mourning or feeling the urge to listen to Sad FM.
Instead, I've braided my hair, and watched Tiffany's. I must admit I'm feeling rather Zen today - Hooray!
I'm finally cured!!
Awesome shall hopefully be delighted.
So, this may well be the last post about Knight - yes, it's sad that's it's the end of an era, but it's probably time to move on :)
Tonight I have the Valentine's sleepover and I'm genuinely so excited - everyone going is a top babe.
Joy to the world! (Aware I just quoted a hymn...moving swiftly on...)

Enjoy your Valentine's Days,
Grammar Gal xxx

Quick Valentine's Day catch-up

N'awww it's quite a surprise but I'm actually having a good day :O
I'm sitting here in my PJs listening to "Be My Baby" which is the most awesome album in the history of the world :)
So, yeah, Valentine's isn't all that bad when you're single - it's actually pretty awesome. Speaking of awesome, I'm going round Awesome's house later for chick flicks galore = yay!!

Right, so peace out y'all :)
Oh yeah, if I do write a post named something along the lines of "Dear Knight" then please don't read it, or don't read it and laugh at least!!
We'll see how the day goes!!

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

************************1 hour later********************************************

I feel... ugh I cannot describe it. my heart is going thumpity thumpity thumpity and not in that good way. I just did a bit of Knight stalking and he went to a party with my best friend from primary school and her friends and they're all smiling together. He's happy.
So, and I know it sounds cliche because I've said this SO mant times before.
This time I'm 100% serious. I'm going to move on from Knight. True, every boy seems to pale in comparison. However, you have to consider that the only boys I know go to the geeky school next to ours. So,maybe I won't move on straight away. But it will happen.
It's just...painful to think of how close we used to be and how "A long time ago we used to be friends" as the Dandy Warhols sung.
Now, should I give Knight this web-link/his plectrum? To be honest, I just want absolute closure from that motherbrudda - but how does one obtain this?

Suggestions would be helpful

Monday, 13 February 2012

Yard-Sale Day

I wonder how many teenage girls are out there that generally hate Valentine's Day.
Being the day before, one cannot help but feel rather depressed at the prospect of all the happy couples meeting up tomorrow and going on some sort of cutesy date.
Today is Yard-Sale Day. This is the day before Valentine's Day where thousands of women everywhere are desperate, and flirt with random strangers just so they can get a Valentine for tomorrow.
This is like a yard sale, where you buy all that crap which you'll never use, just because there's nothing better there. And that's what Yard-Sale Day is - girls desperately trying to grab onto a guy, even if he's naff and totally not your type.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are boy victims of Yard-Sale Day, but I'm still yet to come across a boy who sits alone in his room and drowns his sorrows listening to Sad FM.

When you're single on Valentine's Day it feels like going to prom without a prom dress - it just feels wrong. Speaking from experience, here are my handy tips to avoid these Valentine Blues:

1. Do not leave your house alone. This may seem rather dramatic, but can you honestly tell me that you can handle seeing lots and lots of smug happy couples eating each other's faces everywhere you turn? Didn't think so.
2. Consume as much edible substance as possible - this comes in the form of Ben and Jerry's, Dominos Pizza take-in and many other yummy treats - the more calories the better. What are men to Maltesers and Marshmallows?
3. If you do want to do something then go to a friend's house and watch chick flicks - it's (probably) scientifically proven to make you feel better.
4. If you are over 18 then the choices are mind-numbingly simple: go to a pub vs go to a club. Either way, alcohol consumption is necessary. But do NOT go by yourself, unless you like the idea of being picked up by some guy who vaguely passes as average-looking in the dim of the club, but who is actually the insanely ugly motherbrudda who you've agreed to go home with. Safety from these rats comes in numbers.
5. Do NOT under ANY circumstances help a friend plan her Valentine's Day with her special person since this shall leave you feeling pathetic/desperate/needy when you know what an awesome time they're having.

If you are in a relationship then ignore all of the above and go and have a brilliant time. Lucky bitch...

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Meh.. D:

You know those days where things go from bad to worse? Well, that was my day today.
For starters, I woke up to my mother telling me that Whitney Houston, a beloved favourite singer of mine, is dead.
So, not the best of starts to a day.
Now, I'm not sure I believe in the "Heaven" theory as such, but I do think that when you die it's not the end. I think you can choose what you want to do when you die - you can go to whichever of the multitudes of parallel universes you want to move to, or you can choose to end your life. If this theory is correct, then when I die I hope to go back to the 60s...
But I think I'm going off topic...
Right, then I went to the pub with the family. At the pub, a cute waitor served us and we all engaged in small talk about poor Whitney Houston and Tomato Sauce etc... Later on in this pub visit, I spilt Tomato sauce down my jeans and somehow managed to spill Diet Coke down my jeans too, resulting in the "I-just-wet-myself" look most popular amongst 2 year olds... Not very attractive, I must say.
Things progressed from bad to worse now that I'm sitting here "doing" my essay on Pride and Prejudice, when I noticed a new message in my inbox. Hope filled me. I assumed it was X, begging me to take him back into arms. Or even RF saying somethign witty, albeit this seemed unlikely. I also hoped it would be Awesome saying some amusing anecdote to brighten up my day.
But, alas, no. Do you want to know who texted me? A pension company.
Oh, no, you didn't misread that.. A pension company has texted me and has kindly infomed me that my pension "could be underperforming" and has left me a number to text to get a better quote. One text. The entire day. From a pension company.



Saturday, 11 February 2012

Stay away, Celine Dion!!

A challenge was accepted by myself earlier today, to make myself lunch... Well, whilst it wasn't the culinary perfection I'd been hoping for (prawn in batter and pasta) one can never really go wrong with spring rolls and potato smiles, can you?
Unfortunately, I still have not received closure from X (Knight) and I'm not sure when I ever will! I am only certain of the following things:
1. I did reject him.
2. He seemed OK about it.
3. He got himself a girlfriend in Africa and then ditched her.
4. Things became icy between us, talked slightly less.
5. I told him I loved him (and Awesome also left him a message confirming this).
6. X ignored both of these messages, and continued to ignore me.
7. Magic FM DOES make you cry, especially Celine Dion's "All By Myself" which I dutifully added to my iPod today...
8. X was The Exception To The Rule - since he was awesome, witty and sarcastic, as well as sweet, gentleman-like and quirky. I know now that there are no others like him out there, having talked to RF and realising what he, Afro, Y, Beaver, Duke and Prince all have in common - they aren't X and they are just...meh. 
9. I'm a complete twat.
10. I have awesome friends who don't mind the fact I'm a complete twat (a.k.a. Awesome and her surprisingly helpful advice)

And, thus concludes another day. Plan for the next two hours? Wallowing to "It must have been love [but it's over now]" all the way! 
But maybe after Valentines Day, where couples are found snogging at every corner of the street (except where I live, since everyone here is old..) I will finally accept that X is not coming back. Perhaps this could bring closure? Or perhaps it will bring on a tidal wave of depression, resulting in me singing "The One That Got Away" at full volume in the shower...

Who knows?! 
Wish me luck,
Grammar Gal

Culinary Genius, c'est moi

At times like this where dying alone seems probable and pining over your phone is inevitable, it's necessary to turn your attentions to something a little bit more positive.
This is rather difficult to do when you are reminded at school that your GCSEs are only 3 months away, you have a list of homework tasks to do that are as long as tree trunk and you are shivering in the little, poky room that is your study.
But, alas! There is hope! No, this hope does not come in the form of a boy - for the only boy with any particular interest in me is RockerFella who, I feel guilty and ashamed in saying, is the most clingy/slimy/annoying/boring person I've ever had in my acquaintance. I'm sure he's lovely, but we have absolutely nothing in common, and he keeps hitting on me!
But, no! The hope comes in the form of my culinary genius. I've found that when things are going wrong you have to focus on a task - a week ago when I was feeling blue over Knight I staged a Hippie Intervention and also went vegitarian (which I'm still doing by the way!).
Whilst I'm still Hippie At Heart, I have hung up my feather headband, and am now focusing on the 21st century. This comes in the form of cooking. It's a well-known fact that the only meal I can cook to perfection is melted chocolate and, on occasion, Pot Noodle. But not anymore! I can now (sort of) cook pasta, and I'm no longer afraid of the oven/grill thing! Nor am I afraid of being spat on my the hob thing!
So today I, Grammar Gal, am going to cook for myself. WOW.
Now that that's settled and done with, let's have a brief Knight Update...
Oh, wait, he has made no attempt to contact me. What a surprise! To be honest, it takes 2 minutes to answer a text so -.-

On a happier note, this Valentines Day is being spent with Awesome and two other absolute babes, so that shall be fun :)
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xx

Thursday, 9 February 2012

No, RF, not Valentine's Day...

When I last blogged I was feeling rather content with the RockerFella situation, but now... I thought he'd established he was The Rebound from Knight, but evidently he doesn't because boys just don't take much effort to talk to a gal unless he thinks he'll get somewhere... RF is no exception - he has now asked me twice to go out with him on Vday but I am ADAMANT - Vday shall be awesome and spent with Awesome (punny!!) and I actually can't wait for this chick-flick-a-thon. Motherbrudda, why cant RF just understand N-O- !!
Am I being harsh? Yes, of course I am - that wasn't a rhetorical question! The severe truth of it is that Knight is gone and Magic-slit-your-wrists-FM just depresses me beyond reason, yet I continue to listen to it... I need to mourn to get closure.
That's it! CLOSURE. I have no closure from Knight, so there are just so many unanswered questions and so much confusion.
He gives me vague replies, if he replies, and has ignored my declaration of love, and even ignored Awesome's drunkcall to his phone to tell him I love him (she's such a babe!). I know he no longer fancies me but I just can't move on! Not from him.
I mean, what if he was The One. I never laugh as much with any guy as with him; he pays for lunch and cinema; he's bloody hilarious; he has a Kiwi accent; he's just awesome...
And I've fucked up.
Well, enough of the plans to get mans and ploys to get boys.
Here's what we're going to do: we shall send Knight the link to this site and then he'll understand.
Except - oooooo - don't I say I want to marry him and have his kids at some point?! That was HYPERBOLE not truth...of course...
And, also, I still have his engraved plectrum from his 16th birthday.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Poor RockerFella (a.k.a. RF)

It's official: I'm a horrible person. I've always had some inclination of this, but here is a clear case example of this. I've agreed to go out with RF (not sure if it's a date) even though I never have and never will fancy him.
I felt godawful about therefore agreeing to this, but it's about time I went on a date for god's sake! And, besides, he now knows the whole Knight situation so it's all OK. Stop judging me! Or, if you're judging me then please remember that my iPod's "Most Played" Playlist presently consists of "It must have been love [but it's over now]", "Need you now", "[I've had] the time of my life" and "The One That Got Away".
Yeah, that's right! Pathetic Person Number One is sitting right here...
The only redeeming quality is Valentines Day - for once it shan't be spent watching Titanic and drowning in Ben + Jerry's. This year Awsome and I are having a film fest = Brilliant plan :')

So, yeah, take that and stick it up your arse Knight! OK, you may think I'm being a little harsh on the fella who is after all "busy" but, guys, it takes 2 minutes to answer a text. He's just moved on to bigger and better things. Year 12 girls, cool kids who hav done their GCSEs and don't still play on their DS's for pleasure and to whom the idea of getting high isn't laughable...

Grammar Gal x

Sunday, 5 February 2012


I don't really know where to start... Last night, under instruction from Awesome, I texted Knight and apologised for rejecting him and for being the reason our friendship is deteriorating. He then told me our friendship is failing (See! It's not just me being paranoid - it's a fact!) because he's busy and doesn't have time to meet up with me, since we live so far away from each other and rarely see each other. He referred to me as an "old friend" - that sounds pretty final, don't you think? As if he wants to keep me in the past...
He also told me it isn't my fault our friendship is failing. To which I replied that I still meant my apology and (major cringe, as in I am on the floor cringing and dying inside) that I miss him (yeahfhjejvfbejv)

Surprise, surprise, he hasn't replied.

This absence from him originally made my heart grow fonder, but how can you fancy someone who you don't talk to any more? I miss how we used to be, but it seems like that's pretty much turned to shit.

No idea what to do, shall have to rely on Awesome hopefully telling me [HINT]

On a happier note, I've just walked around my block, trespassed private property, realised I have some fitt neighbours and taken a zillion pictures. Overall, a great morning. Oh, and I got a temporary tattoo - I feel so...badass :L

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Saturday, 4 February 2012

The volta...

If my relationship with Knight was a sonnet, then last night was the volta. Despite my plan to get him out of my mind, I found myself listening to Magic FM in my onesie. Now, that is pathetic with a capital P...

That made me realise that I was being stupid and need to just move the fuck on. A brief conversation with Awesome confirmed her opinion mirroring mine. I mean, I have often fancied myself to be in love; in year 7 I wrote a song for a boy (Beaver...*shudders*...), in yr 8 I moped around for centuries over Prince and here we are in Yr 11 writing sonnets over Knight... Enough is enough!
So, starting today is the volta of this relationship. If he wants me he can call me, if not then fuck him (metaphorically speaking, of course, otherwise that would defeat the whole purpose of this rant..!).

Moving swiftly on...

Today I BAKED. Well, I'm not sure if it's called baking if you're just stirring pasta in a pot but STILL it's pretty exciting stuff :') That's the first thing I ever made, unless you count the microwaved chocolate (mmmm - it's so simple to make - you just stick some chocolate in a bowl in your microwave, turn it on, leave in 30-60secs and take it out, where it's all melted and yummy) and I feel like a Domestic Goddess.
Besides, who needs a Knight when you can have a Kit-Kat? Speaking of which, I am in the middle of devouring a box of them as we speak. Nom.

On another note, mes parents (sneaky bit of French in there...) have booked for my sister and I to go to New York together. I am beyond excitement. I am...overwhelmed. As in, I'm contemplating building a time machine just so I can go there now. Tiffany's, Fifth Avenue, Statue of Liberty, Central Park - I literally cannot wait!

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Thursday, 2 February 2012

As you can tell, this was rushed..!

Some people say that when someone's in love it gives them a glow that makes them a pleasure to be around. From my experience, this is completely false. The lovelorn heroine usually feels like shit. Let's not sugar-coat it.
Possible symptoms of being in love may include:
A. Planning your childrens' names.
B. Planning your ideal Valentine's Day meal.
C. Not being able to use your brain without thinking about them.
D. Referring to them as a "bastard" due to frustration..
E. You write a sonnet/poem...

Oh, the tragic moment where you've ticked all them boxes. It's ridiculous. I want to cry and laugh simultaneously... I am an actual state.Just listening to "Wherever you will go" makes me feel godawful..!

Plan Of Action: get a grip.
Terms of this Clause:
- Stop listening to Magic FM (excluding Valentine's Day - I mean, it's a tradition!)
- Well, I'd say I'd delete him from my phonebook but I've memorised it...

Keep you posted

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

The plan takes a turn for the sour side

NO NO NO NO NO Ack! It's all gone horribly wrong. Here I am getting into the mood to get Knight but then BAM! I see him on Facebook with girls posting on his wall and him being in their profile picture and... agga-agga-agga!!
Then I started remembering those events which passed over the last couple of days (including me saying that infamous rhyme "Okedoke..." and enquiring not once, not twice, but FOUR TIMES about the weather, to which he replied once.
I woke up feeling nostalgic this morning, for the times I used to wake up to a message from him about what the weather was like today, and so I sent him one and he DIDN'T REPLY that callous BASTARD -.-
At times like these, it's great to say "Oooh well f*ck you" and come up with a biting reply and move on to one of the line of suitors under one's power. However, no one is standing in my line. What's a girl to do now?!!

SOS, in desperate need of a Knight with Shining Abercrombie and Fitch, as opposed to a Knight who's not prepared to fight for his damsel in distress D:

If you know anyone that fits this description then you know where to find me.. ;)
But, if not, then I will have to resort to finding a playlist to listen to this Valentines Day and it shall consist of Sad FM (e.g. Magic) and I shall spend the day all alone in my room.
OR, I could go out. But with who? And where?! Hmmmm....

Grammar Gal

Hippie Chick feeling lovesick...

Right, first thing's first. Afro has lost his allure due to events of last night. Last night I thought I'd have a random conversation with him but, alas, we have nothing in common (except for a mutual friend - but there's only so much you can say about them) and conversation was therefore awkward. Therefore, it's time to move on from thinking he's Sex On Legs (which he is, but then all of the Rat Pack are...) and to focus my attentions on Knight, as Awesome hinted today.

However, I first have to accept that Knight no longer feels anything like that towards me, so I have 2 options:
A. Forget him and move on after all I've read He's Just Not That Into You and this is definitely the perfect scenario...
B. Somehow work my way back into his affections and then ask that motherbrudda out!

And this time, I'm choosing option B. Because letting Knight go is the trickiest thing ever, and I think we should just go out now - Give Love A Try as Nick Jonas would sing (oh dear, Jonas reference...). 

Now we've settled this, the next topic of interest is RockerFella. What to do... He seems nice and all, but he's not my type and I'm feeling the vibe that he thinks I fancy him (after all I have agreed to meet up with him...alone - and apparently that means it's a date..?!!). Then again, I don't want to cut him loose... We shall just play it casual there. Good plan.

Then again, it's almost Valentine's Day and this year I'd like a date for once (unless you count Beaver, my year 7 'beau').