Monday, 31 December 2012

New Years Resolutions for 2013

I've just been reading my new years' resolutions from last year and have realised that I fulfilled none of these:
- I did not become a vegetarian every Wednesday
- I didn't Feng Shui my desk
- I didn't buy a fitness DVD because I'm a lazy-arse who got depressed looking at the toned woman on the front cover
- I didn't volunteer at a soup kitchen but I tried! There were just no vacancies :(
- I did take up painting...for a day...but I got frustrated when the ideas in my head didn't come out in the pictures and people thought the car I painted was a pebble...

SO, I'm setting myself some new resolutions...
1. Go to the gym at least once a fortnight. 
2. For every 2 chocolates eaten I must eat 1 piece of fruit
3. Stop turning boys down when I haven't tried dating them yet (a.k.a. Nice Guy)
4. Learn Gangnam Style. It needs to be done.
5. Read a book a month

Right, think that's about it. Naturally there are a billion other things I should really do but... they're just unrealistic (i.e. learn to flirt without laughing, learn to drink Vodka without passing out...)

Keep you posted and Happy New Years Eve!!
Grammar Gal xxx

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Let's Get Toned

It's difficult to pin-point the moment that I realised I need to go to the Gym more often.
Perhaps it was when my new friend, Sporty, told me that she goes to the gym 2-3 times a week and then plays football on Saturdays.
Perhaps it was when I was shopping with one of my closest friends and I was about to buy her a size 8 skirt when she saw a size 6 one and insisted I buy her that one because it would "fit her better".
The only thing a size 6 skirt would be good for, for me, is a lampshade. Or a scarf. Or a hat. (you get the picture - it would not fit over my rather sizable bottom and thighs)
And so I've decided to take a leap - a leap to the gym.
The gym is a magical place where gorgeous boys and girls run in a frolicking and cool fashion. This new species of people - The Gymmies - never get tired of exercising. When asked whether they would like to go to McDonalds they faint in disgust.
I cannot lie to you. I could never be like those Gymmies. For starters, when I run and get sweaty I do not look like something out of Baywatch. Instead, I call it Sweaty Betty Syndrome - the symptoms of which are red cheeks (which are not flushed pink and do not give you a beautiful glow - they are beetroot red and make you looks as if someone has clobbered you on both sides. Using a mallet.), puffy smoker-running-up-the-stairs breath, and unattractive sweatiness where your clothes stick to you...
However, I shall be a Gymmie-in-training - an intern in the Gymmie world, if you will
For those of you who have read this blog for a long time, you will remember that I tried this before (I tried to be a Gym Goddess and was slightly successful - I walked a total of 6 miles, I think it was). But this time I'm going to actually commit.

I also need to clarify that I'm not trying to become a stick insect (i.e. the size 6 friend). I am merely trying to "tone" myself. It's that time of year where one's belly feels ready to pop from all the turkey/chocolate log/cold chicken/christmas pudding/other edible goodies... So it's only natural for a gal to want to tone!

Keep you posted,
And Happy Boxing Day, chums
Grammar Gal xxx

P.S. I had an awful daydream that my driving instructor said "teaching you to use the gear-stick is going to be hard" and I said "is that a euphemism?" and I completely cocked up our Drivationship (driving relationship). But now I've told you it can't happen (it's a rule) - right...?!

NB: This Toning Regime (of going to the gym at least once a fortnight and eating 3 pieces of fruit a day instead of a month) shall commence in the New Year - right now it's still Christmas Season (or close enough...)

Tis the Season To Be Jolly Falalalalalalalala

Bonjourno chums,
Happy Boxing Day! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.
Round mine we've been playing board games, watching films, watching TV shows...It's all been rather fun :D
I've cocked up some things with Z which makes me think that Fate is against us being mates
EXAMPLE ONE: When he drunk-texted me, wanting to chat, I was asleep. I'm never usually asleep at 12. Grrrrrrrr
EXAMPLE TWO: He implied that we'd see each other today if we both went shopping bright and early to hit the sales. I planned to wake up at 7, get my war-paint on, look awesome, go and "bump into" him and the day would be perfect. Reality: I slept in until 11 and consequently missed his text of "are you at the shops?".

HOWEVER, tis still the season to be jolly (falalalalalalalala) and though I may not have a beau, I have beautiful friends and family who are lovely.
Just feeling so swell and content and ahhhh
And I've been talking to RF today :O
Well enjoy your holidays whilst they last,
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Friday, 21 December 2012

Drunk Skunk in Andover

Firstly, it seems imperative to explain to you, chums, my Drinking Codes:
- If you're sober = Sober Cobra
- If you're tipsy = Tipsy Gypsy
- If you're drunk = Drunk Skunk
- If you're hungover = In Andover.

This morning I was in Andover after being a Drunk Skunk last night. My actions last night were appalling - I spent most of the evening semi-passed out in the toilet with 2 absolute babes looking after me.
As a result I missed most of the gathering and had to go home early, where there was an awkward car journey since I seemed to have forgotten how to speak.
This morning when I woke up I felt like there were a million little earthquakes occurring simultaneously in my brain... But that's my fault for being such a lightweight!

But enough about that!
Lately I have been going out quite a bit (I suppose I'm making out for lost time on the whole Going Out situation) but I'm still the same old me. I am currently watching and quoting Bridget Jones and accidentally said 'knob' whilst in church yesterday...
And I still have NO luck with boys. Last night I talked to a random Curly-haired Cutie on the bus when he lent me his phone. I was going to go for the whole "Thanks for that...I'm [insert name] by the way" (like they do in all the American films) but as soon as I turned his phone on I saw a picture of his girlfriend whose boobs were so big that I wondered how she walks without falling over. So instead we lapsed into silence.
And yet I'm happy that it's that time of the year: the time of hand-holding, woolly beanies, ice-skating hand-in-hand and mistletoe. Even though I am a Teenage Spinster, I love the romantic season.
Besides, it's not like nobody has asked me to be his girl. The other day Nice Guy (the really nice guy I met at my friend's party the other night who wouldn't take advantage of my drunkenness so he didn't kiss me) told Bazz he really liked me.
But I'm not sure if he's really the one for me - he's really nice but not really my usual type? (a.k.a he's not a knobhead).
Well, I'm considering perhaps trying out a date with him? After all, I can't rule out boys without trying first!
Ahh I need to make some New Years' Resolutions...
But we'll save that for the next post!
Keep you posted and Merry Christmas everyone,
Grammar Gal xxx
P.S. Z and I are just friends still and I no longer fancy him after realising his standards are too high and unrealistic (Kate Moss would be "slumming" for him)

Saturday, 15 December 2012

Happy as Larry

Dear all,
I have only just realised that the last blog post was ridiculously depressing and so I feel the need to make some things clear:
1. The friend and I are still close and I feel NO resentment whatsoever about the whole Z thing because Z has proved to be a bit of a twatface on the boy-front (he's a player) but a valuable mate. So I now do not care at all that the friend got with him - promise!
2. Me and Z are just friends, as I just said. Sometimes I have a tiny crush on him but then I'm
3. The boy I was considering dating in my last post is no longer appealling to me. I wanted to find a guy - any random guy - that I could date. If I wanted to I could date this boy - propose going to the cinema etc... But he's not really my Type and I'm not desperate enough to go on dates with boys I don't even have a crush on!
4. I've been going out  :O I went to a friend's house last night for a gatehring and I have another friend's party tonight! It seems that there is more to a weekend than colour-coding my post-its but, don't worry, I'm still the same clumsy Grammar Gal who makes cock-ups over stupid things.

FOR EXAMPLE: Last night I slut-dropped (very badly!) in front of the cutest boys in my school. AND I told one of them he was cute. AND I drunk-called Z and chatted for like 2 minutes about how his night was going. AND I asked my friend really awkward sex ed questions which, thinking about it now, make me cringe pahaha :')

Keep you posted on how tonight goes and let's pray that I don't drown in this mountain of homework,
Grammar Gal xxx

Monday, 10 December 2012


This is nobody's fault. It's just one of those ways that Life acts like a bitch.
The boy with whom I have a slight crush on (Z) got with my friend, who usually gives me advice for how to "get in there". She was drunk and she says she felt guilty afterwards but, hey, they're both single and I never kissed Z anyway.
It just reminds me of when Loverat fancied my Canadian friend on holiday and I felt like a complete numpty. With both the Canadian friend and my other friend I cannot help but feel that they are waaaay cooler than me; these girls would never make knobs out of themselves in front of member of the other sex.
And then I went to the theatre tonight with the friend. Don't get me wrong I love her - she's awesome. But the big green monster was lurking nearby whenever I thought of her and Z. Thankfully at the end of the night she told me the full story so now I'm not jealous or anything just...
I've been talking to the Guys from Saturday's party and they're both lovely - but I'd want them as friends (although I may try dating the one who said he didn't kiss me because he didn't want to take advantage of a drunk girl and he respected me too much, or something like that...), whereas I actually had a little crush on Z:  we had a bit of bant and it was really nice :')

Oh well, c'est la vie :)
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Drunk as a Skunk

^ Pretty much sums up this entire night.
NEWS: I didn't get with anyone!!
I did drink most of my Vodka & Coke bottle, so I'm a wee bit off my face.
And I texted Z to tell him I'm drunk as a ski=unk and the bastard didn't reply. So fuck him!
BUT I got boys' numbers! :O And danced with a few and there were these 3 guys who followed me around a bit (according to Awesome) and they were really nice; I'm talking to 2 of them now.
Yeah, Bazz had a bet of £5 with me that I'd get off with one of the boys but, alas, my self-control is amazing! Even though I was drunk as a skunk I did nothing :O The Slutty Alter-Ego was repressed and I cannot deny that I'm a lil bit imoressed :')
Now there's a teeny tiny dilemma: I like both boys that I really met and chatted to tonight
- One of them's really funny
- The other's really cute and sweet.

Well, what's a gal to do?
I vote: sleeping on it.

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal
P.S. My head already hurts now. Little scared about what the morning shall bring...


Sober Cobra Perspective - a.k.a.The Morning After
Last night was very fun but now, with my sober perspective, I can see that the boys I chatted to will only be friends (it was the drink that told me I fancied them... I did hit my Vodka Wall methinks...)

Tonight, I promise...

Tonight I'm going to my friend's party, where there shall be alcohol, but I promise...
A. Not to have straight Vodka. From spending my birthday party with my head down a toilet I've realised that it's the drink of the devil...
B. Not to snog a-n-y-o-n-e even if he's:
1. My Romeo-Juliet soulmate
2. Reeeealllllly fitt
3. Really shy/I feel sorry for him
C. Not to get off-my-face drunk as a skunk (but, likewise, not to be a sober cobra) - the aim is to still be able to walk and talk and be able to recite my alphabet backwards by the end of the night.
D. Not drunk-text Knight/Z
E. Not to crazy-dance (I have grown to realise that this makes me look like a fool, albeit it's really fun)
F. To try to be a good wingwoman for Bazz

Right, think that sums up everything.
Hopefully I won't be drunk as a skunk by the end of the night so I'll keep you posted how I get on!
Grammar Gal xxx

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Driving Miss Daisy

Today I had my first driving lesson. 
It was a nerve-wracking experience which started off badly: he rang the doorbell whilst I was running around in my knickers, trying to find my most sensible pair of black jeans. Then I couldn't find my provisional license, so i left my instructor waiting in the car for another 5-10 minutes. Nonetheless he was lovely.
His first impression of me, however, was not so great. He had to explain reference points 6 times to me and then thought I was so dumb that he actually opened his door to show me what the curb is.
I also managed to say "Oh, shit!" a good 10 times in the space of half an hour, and managed to nearly bash into 2 cars and stalled 5 times, as well as signalling the wrong way when turning.
So I'm thinking I'm going to be a fantastic driver.

So that’s that. As for the boy’s stalling as much as I was today. I now face the dilemma of getting with a boy at my friend’s party on Saturday and therefore getting back at Z (they go to his school) or abstaining from this, and just making friends. And, for once, I’m going with option two.
Keep you posted when the Slutty Alter Ego makes the choice for me...
Grammar Gal xxx