Sunday, 23 June 2013

What A Difference A Day Makes

Oh, my! Yesterday, as I'm sure you recall, I was a blue moo and was feeling defeated and upset because:
A. Funny Guy had deleted me and then readded me on Snapchat
B. Funny Guy stopped replying to my texts
C. Thinking about Knight/Curly Haired Guy/All Knobheads I Have Liked.

But then Funny Guy told me that his Snapchat deleted everyone. AND I no longer have a thing for Funny Guy because I am totally OK with us being Just Friends.
Last night I was semi-forced to host a gathering for my Posh Boy friends and a few of my girl friends (unfortunately I couldn't invite so many people because my house is too small so there were loads of people that I couldn't bring which was upsetting).
From what I remember, last night was good. I was sociable for most of it, but then I got to the point where it was difficult to talk because I felt so ill. And then Funny Guy showed up and I spent most of the evening talking to him and making sure he didn't feel awkward, which was nice but it meant that I was antisocial with everyone else!
Oh well, next time I'll try to be more of a social butterfly!
Ooooo and Funny Guy said I was gorgeous :O
OMG AND THE BEST NEWS: Part of the reason I was down yesterday was that Curly Haired Guy had deleted me on Facebook but according to CHG's best friend, it was his GIRLFRIEND who deleted me! Woo hoo! CHG doesn't hate me, the Bimbo does (and I therefore don't care!)
This is very good news because now I don't feel like a horridious person.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Fair Weather Friends

Funny Guy is witty, charming and gorgeous, but he has One Massive Flaw: he is a Fair Weather Friend.
If you're from England you might know this phrase, but it basically means somebody who will only stick by you when you are jolly and happy, but wants nothing to do with you when you're upset.
I am a naturally happy person, and I'm in a good mood around 80% of the time. However, 20% of the time I do feel down over both trivial matters (i.e. boys) and serious stuff (i.e. my glandular fever or family problems etc..) and I need people who can take me as both happy and sad.
Funny Guy is only interested in me when I am happy.
And that's another thing: I'm not always happy around him. I think that if you are around someone who is always happy then you feel a bit melancholic in contrast. Funny Guy is ALWAYS happy. Literally, always. And I therefore sometimes feel sad. I can't explain it. It's like Good-Cop Bad-Cop, you can't both be Good Cop. And he is always Good Cop.
Anyways, he no longer answers my texts/Snapchats and the cheeky bugger deleted me and then re-added me on Snapchat. 
I've decided that I must be really annoying: guys ignore me all the time now! Last year I was so confident and headstrong, and I had loads of guys vying for my attention. This year I get too attached to guys and then I get really upset when they don't text me back. And then I Double Text them - if they haven't replied then I send another text on a different topic. 
Basically, I think that I look like I'm desperate.
And the strange thing is, that I'm not! I'm not desperate for a boyfriend because, in my (albeit limited) experience, every time I have really put myself out there and told a guy that I like him, he starts ignoring me and gets a young bimbo girlfriend. 
I need to stop being clingy! I'm not a naturally clingy person: I'm usually mellow and happy-go-lucky. But recently my self-esteem has plummeted lower than the US economy. I mean there's Knight. He was the love of my life and he played me along by telling me that he was "engaged to the wrong girl" and it was implied that he liked me, but when he dumped his fiancee he started ignoring me AGAIN.
Then there was Curly Haired Guy, who claimed he was "really into" me, then ditched me for a bimbo.
Then there's also Shy Guy, Tree and the Loverat who were three of the 4 guys I have kissed, and who were just using me and had no interest whatsoever in my personality.
And that is why my self-esteem has hit rock bottom, and I have become clingy to guys who still talk to me (Funny Guy).
But I need to be more aloof because it's driving ME crazy that I'm so pathetic in the Love-Sphere nowadays. From now on, chicas, I shall be Single, Assertive and Independent.
I will no longer be clingy, I will stop texting Funny Guy and I will keep being my weird and wacky self. And if guys find that annoying then they can go and fuck themselves. 

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Last Night's Drunken Antics

Oh dear God I feel ill. As in, waves of nausea are washing over me and the room is not quite in a fixed place. But it was totally worth it.
Last night one of the Posh Boys had a party. Asides from his house being massive and looking like Ikea, the night was fabulous because I got to see Curly Haired Guy (the ex) and make him super-jealous.
I was supposed to meet CHG's new girlfriend, Good-with-men, the 10-year old, last night but she spent her night with CHG in the bedroom (straddling him when we went in) so I didn't have the pleasure of making her acquaintance.
According to my friend, however, she was a total air head. Now, I can be accused of being many things: weird, wacky, outspoken, childish, na├»ve... But the 2 things I am not are: an air head and boring. Which is exactly how they described Good-With-Men.
Last night probably went so well because I was literally off my face. I had 6 shots before even reaching the party and I was buzzing! I may have accidentally flirted with boys at the party (I have a Slutty Alter Ego after Vodka) and the news somehow got to CHG so he took me aside and warned me against getting with his friend Cardigan Guy because of my glandular fever. I told him: "Firstly, I am no longer contagious. Secondly, it is none of your business". WOOHOO. He looked so bloody jealous, it was great!
And the girls who I previously referred to as the SLYs (Slutty Lower Years) were actually lovely, and one of them said I was the most down-to-earth girl from my school that she had ever met :O
It was a brilliant evening.
And then I cocked things up with Funny Guy. No, I didn't admit that I have a tiny crush on him. We were drunkenly texting each other and I accidentally told him that my mother thought he was gay because he was so lovely (this is true!) and he assured me that he isn't.
I mean, how embarrassing! Jeeeez. But, as I suspected, he is Not Into Me and he fancies a girl at his Saturday Job.
Oh well, c'est la vie!
Keep you posted on what happens with Cardigan Boy,
Grammar Gal xxx

Indecent Exposure

According to my auntie (well, one of my family friends that we all call 'auntie'), the way a girl dresses tells the people and boys she meets something about her personality. Therefore, girls who wear very little will attract boys who want to see very little clothing on their girlfriends.
The Indecent Exposure Theory does make sense.
I prefer to dress in see-through blouses and short skirts because, like Julia Roberts says in Erin Brokavitch : "I like the way I dress, it makes me feel pretty".
But maybe I am subconsciously sending out signals to boys that I am an "easy lay" because I dress promiscuously?
Should we dress to impress? And can we be blamed for attracting manwhores if we dress like whores ourselves?
The feminist inside me must scream out at this point, as it did against my auntie when she gave me her theory: girls should wear whatever they like.
If you like your legs then show them off with a short skirt!
If you have a pretty bra on, then show it off with a see-through blouse!
Gals, the sexual revolution of the 1960's didn't happen for nothing: we are free to wear and date what we want.
But I have done my duty in sharing the Indecent Exposure Theory with you, and whether you believe it or not is your choice.

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

How To Know if a Guy Isn't Into You

Guys, we have a problem.
Up until this point, all of the boys who you have encountered in this blog have been absolute fucktards who were self-centred, sex-obsessed and horrible boys. Therefore, when they were Not That Into Me I was able to deal with it (with help from my lover, Mr Vodka) and bitch about their meanness to my girlfriends.
But now, Funny Guy is definitely not into me. True, we speak every day and we snapchat until 1.30am and we get on well.
BUT don't let this fool you!
I'm sure you must have been in this situation before: where you like someone but you're not sure if the feeling is mutual. As Whitney Houston would say, "How will I know if he really loves me?!"
Well, from my experience, I have found that there are some tell-tale signs to suggest that He's Not Into You:
1. He snapchats ugly pictures of himself to you. This suggests he doesn't care what he looks like around you because he is not trying to impress you.
2. He is really friendly but there is no flirting.
3. He calls you "bro" or "dude" and therefore treats you like one of the guys.
4. He does not ask you out. OK, sometimes the guy is shy so he will be scared of asking you out in case you reject him. How to tackle this: subtly give him a way to ask you out, without seeming too pushy.
For instance, Funny Guy was saying that he was going to the park with his best friend (a girl) and she had invited the guy she was seeing so he felt awkward since he would now be third-wheeling. I suggested that he invite someone else. Now, if Funny Guy had a crush on me then he would have asked me if I was free. But because we are Just Friends he did not and instead said that then it would look like a double date. Harrumph.
5. He takes ages to reply to texts. Truth be told, Funny Guy does not fall into this category because he replies straight away. But douchebags often take a long time to reply because they are so busy with their self-centred lifestyles that looking in the mirror takes up more time than looking at their phones.
6. He talks about girls he likes in front of you.
7. He kisses you and doesn't ask for your number. Oh, the number of times this has happened...!
8. He says your friend is hot, and perhaps flirts with her (this guy, Z, definitely did this. He was a manwhore).

Now, guys, if you have established that The Guy is Just Not That Into You then you have 3 options available:
A. Just be friends with him.
B. Be forward with him and flirt obscenely in the attempt to change his mind. I would not advise this because you risk looking desperate and, besides, what is the use in chasing someone who isn't chasing you back?!
C. Move onto someone who does like you and forget about the other guy.

As I was saying, Funny Guy is adorable. I'm not exaggerating: the other day he visited his mum's workplace to give her a balloon because it was her birthday. And he's read all the classics like Wuthering Heights. He is indeed a catch, but he is definitely not interested in anything more than friendship, so I'm sticking with option A.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Monday, 3 June 2013

Aloha, Amigos!
I have no news to report about the members of the opposite sex, except that
A. I've been talking to Funny Guy who, incidentally, does NOT have a girlfriend and has not had one since last October :O
B. I really like my male friends (the Posh Boys as I lovingly call them) and they have assured me that Curly Haired Guy's new girlfriend (the young blonde bimbo) is "boring, and sleeps around a lot". Woohoo!

Last time I wrote I promised that I would find a Gent who fits my criteria but, so far, I have not found one! But I'm not disheartened and I'm not too eager to find Mr Right at the moment - I just want to avoid falling for Mr. Liar, Mr. Cheater, Mr. Manwhore, Mr. Arrogant Arse and Mr. Selfish Sod.
So, at present, the love of my life is my debit card, who is always there when I need him. And he and I made some beautiful children today; tons of skirts and tops and dungarees from Topshop, Zara, H&M and more!
You could say I'm a bit of a shopaholic, but me and my Debit Card are just a summer fling. And the clothes are super-cute.
Tomorrow I have to start revising for my Driving Theory which I should have taken aaaaages ago. The book is so heavy that I am sure it weighs more than Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell put together. And there's just so much to learn! Argh. All I want to do is finish Wuthering Heights and be in love with Heathcliffe. Harrumph.
I had a driving lesson a couple of days ago and I had the Hangover from Hell (I was well and truly In Andover***, as I call being hungover) and felt so tired when I woke up. I idiotically thought that a Red Bull would help. Big mistake. The taste was so repulsive that I felt sick, and genuinely thought I was going to throw up on the way to the car. But, during the course of the TWO HOUR LESSON I somehow did not fall asleep at the wheel and crash, and managed to avoid throwing up in the brand-new car. I did almost hit the pavement and he had to take the wheel. But that was just a minor incident....
Well, chums, I must go to befordshire because I am awfully tired from shopping for almost 6 HOURS today in London. My feet are still not talking to me because of all of that walking...
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

*** P.S. This is The Drinking Code
Sober = Sober Cobra
Tipsy = Tipsy Gypsy
Drunk = Drunk Skunk
Hungover = In Andover