Wednesday, 5 June 2013

How To Know if a Guy Isn't Into You

Guys, we have a problem.
Up until this point, all of the boys who you have encountered in this blog have been absolute fucktards who were self-centred, sex-obsessed and horrible boys. Therefore, when they were Not That Into Me I was able to deal with it (with help from my lover, Mr Vodka) and bitch about their meanness to my girlfriends.
But now, Funny Guy is definitely not into me. True, we speak every day and we snapchat until 1.30am and we get on well.
BUT don't let this fool you!
I'm sure you must have been in this situation before: where you like someone but you're not sure if the feeling is mutual. As Whitney Houston would say, "How will I know if he really loves me?!"
Well, from my experience, I have found that there are some tell-tale signs to suggest that He's Not Into You:
1. He snapchats ugly pictures of himself to you. This suggests he doesn't care what he looks like around you because he is not trying to impress you.
2. He is really friendly but there is no flirting.
3. He calls you "bro" or "dude" and therefore treats you like one of the guys.
4. He does not ask you out. OK, sometimes the guy is shy so he will be scared of asking you out in case you reject him. How to tackle this: subtly give him a way to ask you out, without seeming too pushy.
For instance, Funny Guy was saying that he was going to the park with his best friend (a girl) and she had invited the guy she was seeing so he felt awkward since he would now be third-wheeling. I suggested that he invite someone else. Now, if Funny Guy had a crush on me then he would have asked me if I was free. But because we are Just Friends he did not and instead said that then it would look like a double date. Harrumph.
5. He takes ages to reply to texts. Truth be told, Funny Guy does not fall into this category because he replies straight away. But douchebags often take a long time to reply because they are so busy with their self-centred lifestyles that looking in the mirror takes up more time than looking at their phones.
6. He talks about girls he likes in front of you.
7. He kisses you and doesn't ask for your number. Oh, the number of times this has happened...!
8. He says your friend is hot, and perhaps flirts with her (this guy, Z, definitely did this. He was a manwhore).

Now, guys, if you have established that The Guy is Just Not That Into You then you have 3 options available:
A. Just be friends with him.
B. Be forward with him and flirt obscenely in the attempt to change his mind. I would not advise this because you risk looking desperate and, besides, what is the use in chasing someone who isn't chasing you back?!
C. Move onto someone who does like you and forget about the other guy.

As I was saying, Funny Guy is adorable. I'm not exaggerating: the other day he visited his mum's workplace to give her a balloon because it was her birthday. And he's read all the classics like Wuthering Heights. He is indeed a catch, but he is definitely not interested in anything more than friendship, so I'm sticking with option A.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

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