Thursday, 29 December 2011

Have you met Miss Jones? I'm not surprised..

When I was 13 I realised my goal for my life: I wanted to have a Bridget Jones lifestyle - meaning I wanted to live in London when I'm older, work at an easy job which keeps me satisfied (preferably with a gorgeous boss in the form of Hugh Grant) and have a lovely joie de vivre lifestyle, full of funny incidents where I make an arse of myself and eventually bag myself a lovely Mr Darcy.

I've just finished watching the film, a.k.a. the greatest film ever made, and a thought struck me - Bridget Jones never had to take all of these exams, she didn't go to an all girls' convent, she didn't go to university and she isn't the boss in her career (which my school urges us all to be- at the top) yet she is irreversibly happy and has a brilliant social life.

With more and more of us getting "educated" it seems to be that we are losing that Bridget Jones quality in us all - that carefree, easy-going nature, because we are always stressed with exams and this shitty job market.

So, I've thought about it and I have realised that I'm not sure what I want to be when I am older - perhaps in publishing, perhaps in magazines, but I do really want a Bridget Jones lifestyle. It may sound cheesy, but my goal for my life is to have a small group of crazy and fun friends for me to have shots with.
Right, life is now sorted. Just needed to clear my head there!

Now, a message for all of you out there: Just relax. Mellow out dudes. Everyone needs a bit of Jones in their life...

Grammar Gal 

Happy New Year's Eve Eve Eve

Today I woke up at the inhumane hour of 9 o' clock to drop Awesome's present off and wish her a happy birthday (I got her a cocktail book - who knows, maybe it shall be useful tomorrow!).
I've just had a quick Facebook catchup with a childhood best friend mine - we have recently grown apart but we are meeting up at the end of the holidays to go shopping which will be gooood. She asked bout how Knight was and I told her we haven't seen each other all holiday. Isn't that WEIRD! It just seems as though I've seen him, or that we've spent a lot of time together but, surely enough, I haven't seen him face-to-face since we went to see Harry Potter (for him because he hadn't seen it, and for me because Daniel Radcliffe is Hot with a capital H). Wow, I feel like I have wasted my holiday - you know when all your days blur into one? That just about describes my entire holiday.
But tomorrow shall be fun, New Year's Eve Eve party chez moi. Obviously I am majorly excited, but I keep getting flashbacks of American sit-coms where a teenage girl has a party and nobody comes (!) and I hate hosting things - you have to: make sure nobody is sick, make sure nobody breaks anything, maintain dignity and posture at all times, tidy up people's food crumbs and look presentable when your parents return home (a skill I failed to master when my parents walked in on us on my Sweet Sixteenth where I was apparently off my face... No, seriously, I don't remember loads of that night - apparently I did shots of champagne - how is that even possible?!?!)
Wish me luck and I'll keep you posted when there are passed out bodies everywhere and I'm getting arrested...I hope I didn't just jinx myself...
Grammar Gal

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Now then, please don't get mad

I've cancelled my date with Knight. BUT I have good reason: it is Awesome's birthday on the 29th, hence I cannot go on a date with Knight - so this is legitimate, OK? This is not an excuse for me to freak out! I will meet up with him at some point in the New Year, I'm just very busy at the moment...studying?
It is true: I have a hell of a lot of English to do (remember, I got a B on my report, hence I need to bring that up to an A or else I won't be able to do it at A level and my life shall be over..) and I'm just busy in general! I'm writing a book at the moment which is taking up a lot of time (it's all about Knight, Prince, Duke and other characters I haven't mentioned)

I hope you all had a great holiday. Dammit - I forgot to go to church! You always remember these things when it's too late... C'est la vie!

Although, I have to say that watching Miracle On 34th Street was way more fun than going to church, where the vicar hates me and is always taking the mickey. Last year he came up to me and gave me a line of insults, including:
- "You look as pale as the graveyard outside" Ha bloody Ha.
- "You're so thin I almost didn't see you!" At this point he felt it was necessary to put his hands on my waist - not in a pervy way, mind you - just in a GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU HAVE MADE YOUR POINT way

And people just don'y understand why I loathe him because, after all, he is religious and all that. But he is evil. I wouldn't go as far as saying he was devilish because that would just be ironic and rather Crucible-esque...

Well, I'd better get going. I say this but we all know that an hour from now I shall remain in this very spot, snuggled up in my new babygrow...

Keep you posted if anything happens,
Grammar Gal

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Happy holidays!

Well a Merry Christmas to you all!
Today has been a lazy day for me with the house full of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... I would say "The More The Merrier" but I have an aching bum from sitting on the floor all day which would disprove this. I've enjoyed having the whole fam round - don't get me worng, but I'd have liked to have seen more of my parents, who were busy all day! Oh well, c'est la vie as I always say!

Unfortunately, Knight did not turn up at my house with a bunch of roses, serenading me because, hey, it's Christmass! But then I have to remember that my life isn't a movie...

Back to reality, Downton Abbey was amazing, food was brill today and I'm wearing the comfiest babygrow that ever was created - overall a pretty good day!

Not going to lie, I think Boxing Day is the best, though, since it's a day dedicated to playing/using/wearing presents :') As the Bromley chavs would say: "PEAK!" Although, now I think about it, I think I've used it wrong...MOVING ON...

On a more recent note, my sister has just kicked me out of my bedroom - some people just don't understand the concept of "I will be two minutes, will you just wait a sec?" And I think the answer "Go the fuck away" was a little bit...Rude. Yes: rude.

Well, I'd better go back - God knows why I'd voluntarily do that though, come to think of it. Maybe due to the fact that it's 11:50 and we're going to visit more family tomorrow - it's going to be hectic! But nice, though. I may moan about them from time to time, but families are awesome and Christmas is a time for families - yes I am aware that I sound like a Coca Cola commercial right now...

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Saturday, 24 December 2011

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

I love December. Everyone scurrying to and fro, wrapped up in their mittens and gloves, couples kissing in the street (although it gets to a point where they should just GET A ROOM and stop bragging!), occasional snow (albeit it turns to slush straight away) and the biting winds (OK, there's nothing good about them whatsoever, but I thought I'd mention it anyway..).
It's CHRISTMAS EVE - the season to be jolly, as we all know :)  We have this tradition where we all open one present on Christmas Eve (I'm still baffled no-one else does this - it's so fun) so, yeah, today shall be a nice day with the fam :)

I am a failure of a human being. Knight is just a big question mark in my head at the moment; even listening to some good ol' Taylor Swift hasn't managed to clear my head.. I think I shall just push him to the back of my mind, as I do with all of my problems when I can't solve them - hence I am a failure of a human being.
However, I'm not totally terrible - I have arranged to meet up with Knight on the 29th so wish me luck! Also, Awesome and I stayed up till early this morning talking (and disputing of course - she has created a blog called grammar gal 2 or something - that's just not allowed...) and she has given me a deadline (in true Grammar girls fashion) to tell Knight that we should go on a date at some point (the deadline is my New Year's Eve Eve party... so it's really a win-win: if I tell him then great and if I chicken out then I can drunk call him and refuse all knowledge of it the next day - win-win as I said!) so, greeeat..

Well, Happy Holidays everyone, I probably won't be able to blog too much over the next two days since I'm spending "quality time" with the fam - including the grandparents coming in from the countryside, which should be nice :)

But, since the parents have driven to the countryside, I may entertain myself by watching Clueless - true it isn't Christmas-y but it's AMAZING!
Oh, and I just agreed to cook tonight for a change (I HAVE NEVER COOKED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE, EXCLUDING POT NOODLES, AND SOMETIMES THEY GO WRONG TOO!!!). But, I'm not freaking all...
Keep you posted when I burn my house down,
Grammar Gal

Friday, 23 December 2011

The hermit leaves her house :O

No, you did not misread that - I left my room today :O. I'll admit tis rather shocking that I ventured out of my house, but there you have it - I am The New Me in the making! So at the ungodly hour of 9 AM  I went to Bluewater avec ma mere (sneaky bit of sophisticated french in there) and it was actually no horrendous. Normally, our shopping trips consist of me being dragged to "three" (a.k.a. thirteen) different clothes shops, trying on everything, before realising that - shock horror - I don't like anything -.- And the worst bit of all is where you are mid-way through getting dressed and then your mum opens the curtain, thrusts more clothes into your arms and justifies her actions because it's "all girls" so "nobody cares" - WHO CARES?! A HUMAN IS A HUMAN?! Oh the humiliation!
Today, however, we just bought some bedsheets and went to Ed's Diner. Now, I've wanted to go to Ed's Diner for...four months or so now, but my friends wouldn't really be into that - and I'm in a group of 11 really close-knit friends, so we would take over the whole shop. But  today I visited there with my Ma and it was really amazing - like I felts as if I was in a 50s American film or something - with the yummy banana milkshake and even yummier waiter who served us. Well, it was with this divine waiter that I test-trialled The New Me and, I must admit it didn't go too badly - I gave him a broad smile and he gave me one in return - VOILA twas magic :') I think that The New Me's superpower shall be her smile..
But I'm really tired - like actually exhausted, because I stayed up until quarter to 1 last night (well, this morning..) talking with Knight. And I don't even remember what we were talking about! He's just so easy to talk to that I didn't want to go to sleep. At 12:45 when we finally decided to call it a night, I just couldn't go to sleep so I put my iPod on shuffle and the first song that came on was "Everlasting Love" - now, I'm a believer of fate and destiny, and I think that's a sign.
Another sign came last night when I was watching Made In Chelsea Christmas Special (IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT HEN STOP READING NOW OR IT SHALL BE RUINED FOR YOU) where the main girl, Caggie, is best friends with this boy, Spencer. Now, some people say that Knight and I have a relationship like Caggie and Spencer, and I sort of agree - they are more than friends but less than boyfriend-girlfriend. But then in last night's episode, the two of them got together, meaning all their uncertainty about their relationship was over. Again, that's a sign isn't it??
Lastly, my star sign says "There is love, there is hope, there is happiness." instore for me :O
It's just fate - starcrossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet, without the dying part.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Thursday, 22 December 2011

The Knight is back

Silly, silly, silly me. And silly friends (especially you, Awesome). And wonderful, marvellous Knight. He truly is the most beautiful boy in the world. Ah, I feel rather weak at the knees, if I'm perfectly honest!
Knight, sweet, kind and funny old Knight, texted me back after I just asked him if we are OK, and he told me that Of Course We Are and asks me why, to which I remind him we haven't talked in ages, and he says It's Due To The Stress Of Sixth Form, and that I am a Paranoid Fool :)
Ahhh... Life is good! The New Me shall still cometh and I shall be sophisticated and speak French and sip coffee for no apparent reason. But I shall do all of this with a Knight on my arm (or a message from Knight in my Inbox at least..)
Now then, here is the dilemna: Do I want to go out with Knight?
He has told me I am Mental and that's why He Loves Me. Now there are 3 ways I can answer this:
1. The childish "No, you're the crazy one!"
2. "Cheers and I love you too"
3. "Danke and the feeling is mutual"

Please my someone comment before I make a complete arse of myself?!
Grammar Gal

Told you so!

The New Me will start tomorrow when she is prepared for the miraculous changes which shall occur... So far today I have been karaoke to Whitney Houston (obviously not alone because that would be sad...) and then I realised that my neighbours coud hear every word that I am saying after my Mum came into my room and told me she could hear me whilst she was coming up the drive. I have naturally closed my curtains, switched off all lights and am pretending to be invisible. It;s going pretty well actually.
What else have I done...Oh yes, I went to the hairdresser's and got peer pressured into getting a side parting (you know, when they give you a cold stare and tell you that you can't have a side fringe without a side parting and then proceed to ignore your wishes for how you want your hair to look whilst you stay seated, mute) and was patronised not once, not twice but THREE times by a girl a couple years older than me (this consisted of: "Can you look down for me...there's a good girl", "OK, darling" and something else utterly mortifying).
I always find going to the hairdresser's really awkward: should you ask them how their day's going? My general rule now is: don't talk to them unless they talk to you. But even then it's awkward: talking to an absolute stranger about school and Christmas is just...weird! Maybe it's the awkward Brit inside me...
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

By the way, I did NOT handle the Knight situation well:
"Look dude, mine's [as in my blog]'s real girly and shit and talks alot about crushes etc etc... It's really not your cup of tea - promise!! 
You would read it, judge me, become paranoid and never talk to me again..."

By talking like a weirdo I have successfully:
1. Made him think I must have a string of different guys which I fancy, depending on the day (which is not WHOLLY true, thank you very much!) AND/OR
2. Made him think I don't like him enough to show him the blog.

Brilliant - and now he won't even talk to me - after two failed attempts to talk to him I'm thinking I'll let him be alone for a while...
Dayum xx

This is a FOOL-PROOF plan...Or maybe not...

OK, plan of action: Today I shan't wallow in a hole about how Knight and I have deteriorated into nothing, nor shall I watch Gossip Girl in order to convince myself that I could be as cool as them (let's face it, that's not going to happen anytime soon).
Today it is time for The New Me. She will be uber-cool, will walk into a room and everyone will think "Wow, she's uber-cool", she will go fishing for boys as a hobby and shall flip her hair (annoyingly) when talking to members of the opposite sex...
This New Me seems to require a lot of effort...maybe I should start tomorrow...
NO! I shall start today, and the New Me shall start by getting dressed into something hip and cool ( or just not tramp-esque - not that my baggy trackie bottoms are tragic or anything...)
Right, we now have a plan - a plan to get a man.
Keep you posted and will let you know when this all fails (hint: that will be pretty soon - I'm talking a matter of hours probably)
Grammar Gal

Well, I see no point in starting a new blog post for this information I am about to divulge: Basically, whilst singing a bit of Whitney Houston & McFly in the shower, I randomly remembered Y (this boy who asked me out a few weeks/months ago and I said no, but we could go out as friends and said that I'd meet up with him 'nect next next next week' - hence we both would forget...) and thought about maybe going to that cinema meet-up we agreed to go on. I talked to my friend Awesome, and she thought that I was stringing him along (too!) and that if we went to the cinema we should go in a group. However, that would be beyond awkward because he's super-intelligent and likes computers and stuff, and...well, actually my friends are super-intelligent too so they would get along...but it just seems WEIRD going on a group date - I've only ever gone of meetings with boys one-to-one. It's probably because I was SCARRED in year 7 when I met up with my "boyfriend" Beaver's friends who thought my chin was abnormally strange and my nose was too big. This was coming from a load of ugly, short, midgets who shall never get girlfriends because they are evil, evil, evil little minions. Not that their comment bothered me at all...
Well, since then I hate meeting up in groups and only ever meet one-to-one - hence Y would think we were going on a date...This is problematic...See the real issue here is that I have nowhere to go fishing, hence the New Me shall never be born! In Gossip Girl they just go to a cafe, sit and read a book and then some rich guy shall buy them a coffee, and then BAM they are going out. Seems like a good idea now I think about it - there are tonnes of cafes where I live. Problem is, the only boys in England at my age who live near me "all talk lyk dis and dey wear dey're trousers so far down dey're legs dat you can see dey're boxers yeh yeh brup brup" - it's totally understandable if you didn't understand what I just wrote (Basically, the boys are all chavs here, so the chance of meeting a nice, charming gentleman are slim-to-none)...
We shall have to rely on fate - who am I kidding, I'll be waiting at the cafe!
Grammar Gal

Wednesday, 21 December 2011


Oh no. Brace yourself, this is bad: the Knight in Shiny Abercrombie and Fitch wants to read this blog. This makes me
a. Flattered he wants to get to know me
b. Extremely nauseous: IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM, LET'S FACE IT...
What to do, what to do...
Right, Plan Of Action: I could either
1. Set up a new blog - no that requires far more effort than I am capable of as I sit here in my woolly PJs with my melted chocolate in a cup (which is really good by the way..)
2. Tell him it's all about him - wrong answer again, since I will seem like a stalker...not that I am... Funny story though, I have to send him his present because I can't deal with the utter mortification of giving him a present face-to-face and not receiving one. Right, so he gave me his address and I did what all of us teens out there would do in this situation and I looked it up on Google Earth (I'm not strange...seriously I'm not..) and now I have to convince myself I am not a stalker - so sending him this link wouldn't accomplish much...
3. Just not reply back and deny having had the message sent - it's times like this that I'm grateful I don't have a Blackberry, otherwise he'd see that I'd received the message because an R thing appears or something...I don't know, this whole technology thing pretty much baffles me to be honest...
4. I have NO OTHER OPTIONS - any ideas would be much appreciated!!

Keep you posted,
Grammar gal

Romance is dead in England..

A teenager often asks herself: "Why hasn't he sent me flowers?" Oh, wait, that's probably just me.. See, us teenage girls have such low expectations now that we don't even expect little things like flowers which automatically brighten our moods! 
I think that part of the reason for this death of romance is that boys cannot drive until they are 17. Therefore he will never be able to say "Pick you up at 8" because this would mean
a. His mum will pick you both up which results in awkward conversation.
b. If he's a learner driver he'll be all stressed out that he's doing three-point-turns etc... and the atmosphere would be ruined. 
Whereas, if he had been taking lessons since he was 15 he would be a pro by 16 and would say "I'll pick you up at 8" and then it would just be awesome.
But, alas, no. Any dates that you go on as a British teenager consist of having to get the bus/train/tube there are back - that's right, he can't walk you to your door (unless he conveniently lives down your road...oooh that's an idea...)
Therefore Romance is No More. 
Not that I mind; in some ways it's better like this with all the awkwardness.
WHO AM I KIDDING?!?! I'll be on the first plane to America!
Grammar Gal 

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

It's cold in suburbia

   I live in a street filled with people who think they are wealthier than they actually are. They drive Mercedes Benz cars and look down their noses at our little Micra but the truth is that all of our houses are worth the same amount and are all rather dingy in size so we need to stop kidding ourselves!
        It's not the snobbery that bothers me down this road, it's the hostility. Here's a scary fact: I didn't know the names of either of my next-door neighbours until this year. We have lived here for 15 years.
    Furthermore, this morning a neighbour of ours dropped off a Christmas card and then scurried - literally, I could hear her high heels clicking away as she ran - back to her house!
  Is there really any wonder that I want to move away from Deathville and into Camden when I'm old enough?!
Keep you posted,
 Grammar Gal

Sunday, 18 December 2011

A playful party (for once!)

Yesterday I made the very real discovery that I am in love with any boy who is with me at that moment who I like. For example, I fancy Afro when I'm at school with him, I fancy Knight when I text him and, last night, I found that I fancy Prince when I'm with him, too. Prince is an old childhood chum of mine; with us both being shy around each other most of our conversations usually spurn from making fun out of my sister. However, last night (with a little dutch courage thanks to my best mate, Miss Smirnoff Ice) we had such a laugh. We played this game Jungle Speed which is like snap with loads of people (when you put down a card which is the same shape as another person's then you both have to grab this stick thing and then you win a point), and Prince and I both had the same shape on our cards so we both grabbed the stick and basically wrestled each other with him torturing me via tickling and me kicking him. It was so fun! Then when we calmed down a bit (with neither of us prepared to sacrifice our dignity or our pride by letting go of the stick), we just sat holding the stick together, until I suddenly pulled it and he reflexively pulled it harder, dragging me across the room to our families' amusement! 
Well, last night basically showed me that life without Knight really isn't that bad: there are plenty of fish in the sea. So I'm going fishing.

Keep you posted,
Grammar gal

Tuesday, 13 December 2011


We actually talked :O for an hour or so last night. It felt so good! And it's about time, too.. 
Gaaaa! Being with Knight is so natural: it's like shampoo and conditioner, Kate and William, Hippies and Flower Power. It just feels RIGHT, you know?!
Well, anyways, I have to go now: I'm currently in the midst of making some cards for these girls in my maths class since one of them bought me a present and I had to tell her that her card was at home TRANSLATES TO: Frantically trying to make something decent as we speak...
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Friday, 9 December 2011

Today has been a bad day

It's been one of those days where it starts off fine but deteriorates into shit. 
Firstly, I would like to point out that Knight the Knobhead has not replied to my texts and that he is now a Class A Supertwat. 
Secondly, I have received a draft of my report today. I was initially pleased because I have 5A*s which means that, if I get this in the exam, I could apply to Oxford. Then I saw my English mark (A/B) and my hopes fell down to the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but when I told my Ma it seemed I didn't have a choice. She went on for 10 minutes about how my grammar school won't let me study English if I get a B, how I'll have to change A level choices, how I won't be able to go to Uni to study English and how I can't even apply to other schools because it's too late now!
Bloody cheek!! I am constantly revising - as in CONSTANTLY. If you could see my wall full of Geography case study post-its then you would understand.. And it never pays off - I am a straight A/B student, not a straight A* student like some of my friends, and my sister.
I just feel like absolute crap. If I cry my parents will pity me, if I shrug it off then I will want to cry. There is no win situation here.

An ammendment has to be made to promises I have made in previous blogs: I have claimed I will ring Knight on New Year's Eve Eve where I'm having a house gathering, but now I would not  ring that Knobhead if he was the last boy alive.

Monday, 5 December 2011

Screw "girl power" - every girl needs a Knight in Shiny Abercrombie

Do not judge me! Those intelligent people amongst you will have realised that this blog update comes a day (a matter of hours, in fact) after the last entry titled "pig". It is true that Knight's actions were flawed and that he should have just come, but then again he did text me how very sorry he was and enquired into how my day was. Right now I just need a good circle of friends - but today I definitely do fancy the pants off X. Yes, he has flawed characteristics, but so did John Proctor in the Crucible and his actor was so fitt that I defy anyone not to fancy the pants off him, too! 
So, basically, I want to appologise to those girls who think women can stand on their own two feet and don't need a man in their lives. I'm sorry because I totally disagree with you: in the words of The Blues Bros "Everybody needs somebody to love" and this is the boy that I love. He is cute and has a New Zealand accent (meaning the parallels between him and Heath Ledger in 10 Things I hate About You are even more distinct) and he holds open doors for me and pays for lunch. Screw feminism! He is a dreamboat.
However, I maintain that I won't agree to meet up with him for two vital reasons
a. He may stand me up again (this would be the second time - although, I'll admit, being stood up whilst getting dressed isn't nearly half as bad as turning up to Leicester Square and waiting...and waiting...)
b. I need to decide for definite what is going on between us, as "Awesome" says.
Speaking of "Awesome" - today she pointed and me and said "I told you so!!" and laughed. I dont' really understand how I deserved the utter mortification of being stood up, but that's girls for you - we are complex beings.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal 

Sunday, 4 December 2011


This morning I awoke with a knotting feeling in the pit of my stomach (as I always do when I am going to see Knight) and I got myself ready; this consisted of trying on everything in my wardrobe (twice) before finally deciding on some casual blue jeans and a grey top, which looked as if I'd just flung them on. Perfect. I was getting all ready and turned on my phone to check for any messages. I have messages from my friend Awesome and some other people and then one from Knight "So sorry can't make it". All of that effort for nothing. What a bastard. I had his present all ready for him to open (albeit it would have been awkward when he handed over the nothing-ness that he bought me) and he just stood me up!! A couple of days ago I described this creature as my best friend, but now I'm just...disappointed? 
I feel like I put loads of energy into making this friendship work and ever since Tanzania he's been really distant. Fuck him (not literally, of course). I'm going to be cold and distant and maybe then he will get the picture that I'm not available for his beck and call. Goddammit I have a life, too! He shouldn't keep swanning off with these random girls from private schools and leave me, Grammar Gal, totally stranded,
God I'm sick of him. If I ever speak pleasantly of this manscum again then someone needs to slap me. Yes, I am aware that I am overreacting to this ever-so-slightly but I'm just so sick of him. I feel like we need a break from this fucked-up friendship..
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

P.S. Need to make an ammendment: in an earlier blog I said that I was going to host a New Year's Eve Party so I could call Knight in a drunken state and blubber pathetically. That wasn't the SOLE aim of the party... I just want  the party because it will be fun and my friends are awesome (: