Monday, 27 May 2013

Onwards and upwards

Guys as soon as I have finished listening to Whtney Houston I am making a new start! I don't want to be cynical and I cannot judge all of boy kind on a sample of 4 or 5 manwhores and knobheads.
So from now on I am Out of the Slump ad I will be open minded but not with manwhores who are devoid of love and niceness. So from now on Grammar Gal is going to go for boy who fit The New Criteria:
A. Funny. They have to make me laugh. Like Knight did and CHG did not!
B. Not selfish and therefore not a knob like Knight and CHG and Dan the loverat
C. Not a Manwhore
D. Ambitious and perhaps slightly academic
E. someone who likes me BECAUSE of my weirdness and NOT IN SPITE of it! This is where CHG failed me - I was too weird for him!
F. Brunette. Idk why but blondes just..... No. Blonde is a girl had colour and not for guys. Sorry !
G. Treat me well and not like a Kiss-Toy or someone to ignore.

Think that sums it up. I know my standards are slightly high. And it doesn't help that I am expecting The Guy to look like Channning Tatum too...
Keep you posted

Right, chums. I have been down in the dumps lately because
A. I have realised how awful manwhores are
B. The manwhore I was flirting with the other night kissed my friend :O
C. Everyone has a best friend and I just have a big group of friends and I'm not extremely close with many of them. And the gal I thought was one of my best friends is actually kinda self-centred. So this blue-mood led me to...

COCKING UP THE PLAN. Sigh. Deep breaths. I was going to move on from Knight and the manwhores and live a fantabulous life as a Teenage Singleton.
Instead I texted Knight whilst being a Tipsy Gypsy.
It gets worse. I texted him practically begging him to be friends with me because I needed someone to talk to. AND THEN I realised how pathetic that was so I sent YET ANOTHER TEXT where I compared myself to Trotsky and said that I don't need a best friend.

Like, why me? Why did I do that? Why am I a numpty? Anyways, Knight did not reply (what a shocker! He never replies unless he needs me)
And I promise that from now on Grammar Gal shall be more feisty and independent. I don't need a Knight and I don't need a best friend and I don't need a line of manwhores.
Nope. I need my group of friends and I need to maintain my sense of humour and just keep my chin up.

Sunday, 26 May 2013

Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

I think you can only be friends with your ex if
A. You are both dating other people now
B. You were friends before you dated
C. The break-up was mutual
D. The break-up was classy (i.e. NOT being texted by the Bastard from Spain, which meant that you had to pay £7 to be dumped).

But if the guy dumped you brutally, or if you still have a little crush on him then DON'T TRY TO BE FRIENDS.
It sounds harsh and I may stand corrected but from my experience you cannot be friends with an ex because you may still feel resentful or, like me, you may still have a crush.
Basically over the last couple of days I fell down the Slippery Slope where I started to like Curly Haired Guy (the guy who kissed me and stringed me along and now he is dating a 10-yr-old hoe) after he said I deserve a lot more than how I am treated by guys and that I should wait for someone to treat me how I deserve and should give up on manwhores because I am too good for them.
BUT I HAVE DECIDED TO STOP THIS MADNESS. It is madness. He cannot nice to me. He has to be mean and then I can slag him off to all my friends and loathe him with every fibre of my being. But, no. He has to be nice and confuse the fuck out of me.
I saw CHG again yesterday when he was at a party but he was so sad - his girlfriend and him are having problems or something. Look, I'm sure he loves his girlfriend and I am NOT Sloppy Seconds and I am also NOT a doormat so I cannot be friends with CHG.
But of course I am the Mayor of Numptyville. So I have been texting him. And now he has stopped replying. Just like Knight did. I am so sick of guys - Manwhores and Knobheads to be precise - who have fucked up my ability to trust people. I am so used to being treated like shit now that I have lost all confidence in romance, chivalry and all guys. I miss being the naive Grammar Gal, but now I am slightly more cynical.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Friday, 24 May 2013

CHG Redeems himself. A Drunk Skunk Post

I never thought this would happen. Curly Haired a guy is no longer hated because
A. He went to the doctors and had a blood test and he did not give me glandular fever
B. He apologised for treating me like shit and he looked like he was gonna cry
C. When I told him I was used to guys treating me like shit he was so angry and he said that I don't deserve it because I am "pretty, funny and intelligent"
Ok guys I am a drunk skunk at the mo and I won't lie, I find CHG very attractive. He is so fucking protective and so...moody.
And I texted Knight le knobhead telling him I do not like him and he has replied saying that the reason he has not replied is that he feels like shit. Girls I do not know how to reply to that. He just HATES me. I can tell. And there is nothing I can do. It just sucks.
I am officially melancholic and just feeling so....down.
I really thought I was going to cry tonight when CHG was being so nice to me. Thank fuck I did not or that would have been awkward.
Guys I am so tired, I feel like a balloon without helium,
Speak soon,
Grammar gal cxxxxx

Monday, 20 May 2013

Top Tips for Exams

In an ideal world we'd all be kangaroos, hopping around New Zealand and just being like "Hey, man, I'm a kangaroo". But, alas, no. We have to take exams which, as my Classics teacher says, are "just intellectual bullshit games for people who are bored with their lives". I do love him!
Right, so here are Grammar Gal's top tips to prevent you from going TOO cray-cray!:
1. Drink Red Bull in moderation. I have never followed this rule, and I'm almost 100% sure that there is more red bull in my veins than blood. But, hey. Maybe you guys could tell me what it's like not to be a caffeine addict. Must be pretty calm. Like being Gandhi or something.
2. BUY POST-ITS. Omg, best decision I've ever made. My room is top to toe covered in these beautiful objects, my lovers if you will. They have all the info you need so you can just revise by looking at your wall. Just be a cool kid and buy post-its.
3. Ignore all members of the opposite sex. Obviously I cocked this up by snogging Curly Haired Guy and getting glandular fever. But generally speaking, ignore them. They're a pointless distraction. And most of them are twats anyway.
4. Drink water and fruit etc... (this is coming from a gal who has 1 piece of fruit a month)
5. Don't drink alcohol. Guys, let's not be twazzocks. It's all about Innocent smoothies and Red Bull (not together. The idea just repulses me). So put down that bottle of Cheap Glen's Vodka. And pick it back up in a couple of week's time....
6. Do a timetable. But not a neurotic "I will wake up at 5am and will study until 11pm". Hun, that just ain't gonna happen. Be realistic...

Think that just about sums up the rules by. Or, well, I know I should live by them. Which is practically the same thing.
Talk to you later chicas,
Grammar Gal xxxxxx

P.S. I'm still 10000000% over Mr Knight, do not you worry. And for once I don't think I'm going to fall back down the slippery slope. I don't want to be friends/more than friends with a Knobhead. End of :')

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Let's Dumb This Down

Right guys. I am over thinking things again. Even though Knight does not think of me as anything more than a friend that does not mean that I should blank him. Also I think I am actually over him tbh, because I'm actually bored of liking someone who does not feel the same way. As I said before, there are a gazillion fishes/Twatfaces in the sea and I should focus on them instead of Knight, who I shall now only see as a friend.

Besides Knight, all that is really new is that
A. My mother's friends think it is acceptable to share photos of a strip club they went to. NOT OK!
B. I have been doing my A Levels and I've been avoiding my lover, Charles I, today because he is boring as fuck!
C. I have been attempting and failing to persuade my mother that the leader of Germany is not a Nazi.
D. I managed to persuade her not to vote for UKIP because that would make us Fascists.

Better get back to the love of my life, King Fucking Charles.
He deserved to get his head chopped off. Boring tosser

AMMENDMENT I no longer fancy Knight! It is weird but I just started remembering all the reasons we are not compatible and voila! I can now be a happy singleton again, but this time I will try to avoid Manwhores/Scumbags/Twatfaces/Knobheads and will instead see if there is anyone out there who vaguely resembles Channing Tatum and had a heart as big as Ghandi
Keep you posted xxxxx

Friday, 17 May 2013

Redefining my standards

Knight broke up with Sutcliffe. But don't get too excited, guys, because
A. He's just not that into me, because if he was then he would make an effort and not ignore texts like a twazzock
B. There are pics of him with another girl on my news feed and I'm not saying that they're together but...Look, the harsh reality is he thinks of me as a friend. Nope. Correction. He doesn't think about me anymroe and that's OK.
But now I'm looking to be more than someone's Sloppy Seconds, I think everyone deserves to be someone's First Choice.

What is the use of being in love with someone who sees you as an option? I think he knew he was going to dump Sutcliffe and wanted to see a bunch of girls he used to hang out with and assess who he likes best. Like a freaky version of Take Me Out or something...

But enough about him! And it's time for the end of the Reign of the Knobheads. From now on I'll be either a nun or maybs I'll just try out loads of different guys. Hmmmmm, I can feel more Fishing Trips coming on! (Fishing Trip: Definition: Trips where one meets guys of one's age and gets their number. These have occurred at parks and buses and drunk-skunk parties)
Knight is OUT of the picture because he just doesn't feel the same way - I can just tell! :')
Seriously, guys. Unless he comes round my house with a bunch of forget-me-nots then I'm dooooone! And now I'm feeling fantabulous now I've decided on this Plan Of Action,
Keep you posted,
Grammar gal xxxx

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

The New Relationships

It appears that I was born in the wrong century.
I'm just so confused about where the romance and chivalry has gone: I want a Mr. Darcy who is so completely besotted with me that he rejects the advances of that slutty Miss Bingley. I want a Paul from Breakfast At Tiffany's who is protective and romantic.
But, alas. No.
I'm lumbered with guys who want The New Relationships.
There are 2 types of relationships: the ones based on feelings and the ones based on..other feelings. Sex.
How can we find out the difference between what a guy says he wants (a relationship) and what he really wants?
Guys are so complex that I feel I need a sat nav into their minds.
I wish there was a Code or something, because there's just no way for us to distinguish the 2 relationships.

Anyways, that's enough reflection for one evening...
Knight news
Wow, it's like a news bulletin or something.
Feeling like an anchor-woman, not going to lie. Or maybe the girl who tells the Traffic News on TV.
Anyway. The news: he is getting married, but claims he doesn't want to be getting married. This is just so... like Jane Eyre. In this Fantabulous Book, Rochester has a wife but convinces Jane that she's mad so Jane pities him. And now Knight tried to convince me his fiance is messed up. The parallels are never-ending.
You guys know what the Knight Situation is and I literally have nooooo idea how we could possibly be friends but I want to at least try to make things work.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx