Tuesday, 31 January 2012


I don't know why, but I get the feeling that I talk too much. No, actually, I do know why: I get this feeling because I've just sent 4 messages to Knight about the weather. And he replied once.
Moving swiftly on...
Tonight I have had the pleasure of catching up with the guy I thought lived opposite me for a milisecond... It's FINE he lives in Orpington - all is fine with the world :'D
He's very sweet (but obvs not my type since my type is a six letter word: K-N-I-G-H-T or maybs A-F-R-O-O-O ... Just kidding: Knight in A&F all the way!) and, yeah, ahh :')
I wouldn't say he was quite at Babe status yet. He lacks Babe quality... There are very few babes...
Here's the Babe scale, in case you were wondering:
1. Top Babe/What a gent.
2. Babe.
3. Awesome dude.
4. "Cool" or "OK"
5. I hate the motherbrudda -.-

I'd say he's a 3.99 (he's very almost reached Babe status - after all he is in a band, hence we shall call him RockerFella, and he seems nice)

Ah, making new friends..
I'll let you know when it all goes pear-shaped,
Grammar Gal xxx


OK, Brace yourselves. I have very important news to divulge.
At present I am hiding away in my onesie and not sure what to do. I am wearing a monkey onesie (like cool kids do) and I suddenly got a message from that boy whose lap I sat on once at a party, asking me if I'm wearing a onesie. I look outside my winder and - guess what - he fricking LIVES DOWN MY ROAD. Do I leave and get changed? Do I close my curtains?

Jesus Christ! I blame cold suburbia for this - if I'd only known him then I would have never sat on his lap like the freak that I am.

Oh my actual God, he must have seen me in my frilly nighties etc that I wear at leisure and what if---

Oh wait, he's just told me that he doesn't live down my road, but he just co-incidentally enquired after my onesie whilst I'm wearing it.
Panic over.

OK, Brace yourselves. I have very important news to divulge.
At present I am hiding away in my onesie and not sure what to do. I am wearing a monkey onesie (like cool kids do) and I suddenly got a message from that boy whose lap I sat on once at a party, asking me if I'm wearing a onesie. I look outside my winder and - guess what - he fricking LIVES DOWN MY ROAD. Do I leave and get changed? Do I close my curtains?

Jesus Christ! I blame cold suburbia for this - if I'd only known him then I would have never sat on his lap like the freak that I am.

Oh my actual God, he must have seen me in my frilly nighties etc that I wear at leisure and what

Monday, 30 January 2012


I have successfully not eaten any meat today (unless you count fish fingers - which I do NOT because I'm not a pesca-thing..!)
I then went to a Dance Recital for my little (12 years old to be precise) cousin which, as promised, brought me some depression as to the meaning of life. I mean, you are sitting there for 2 hours watching really talented girls dance and you have to ponder on the mediocrity of one's life.
I mean, my exercise consists of running to the fridge...
So, whilst I was watching the performance I made a plan in my head. A ploy to get a boy.
I am going to take these three following steps in order to meet a nice, unsensible man who neither resembles Knight nor acts like the Knob himself:
1. Add some items to my wardrobe (and hopefully find my style - I still haven't a clue what clothes I like to wear...!) This translates to: Buy some ripped tights and a new baggy white top, customise with a jean jacket and attitude. Hot to trot: Check! But then, knowing me, I'll make an arse of myself one way or another (probably spilling an item of food all down myself and looking a state after nobody tells me)
2. Go out some more - let's call it Fishing. We need to fish for some boys in the murky pond which is Beckenham. Plan Of Action: As soon as possible, I am going to go boy-hunting. This shall consist of going to a variety of different places (from Bromley Market Square to Covent Garden to a train to Charing Cross) in my new uber-cool outfits which I shall buy on Thursday (late night shopping = bonus! Besides, I need to buy some vegetarian food from Iceland = yum!).
3. Stop babbling when talking to members of the opposite sex. Yes, I am aware that I seem likethe type of person to keep a cool head around a boy and not make a complete fool of myself by speaking too much and saying the wrong things (this is me being sarcastic by the way, in case you didn't catch on..!)
A perfect example of this foolish and downright idiotic behaviour is yesterday's conversation with Knight. Brace yourselves.
Me: How are you etc etc..
Him: Fine etc etc...
Him: BRB
Me: Okeydokie diddly pokie, kissed the boys and it was smokin [As in that is genuinely what I replied with. I was aiming for a non-chalant answer which made me seem playful. I came up with THAT! The mortification!!! No wonder he doesn't return my texts - I'm not NORMAL!! D: ]


So, to recap, the New Me shall consist of:
- Being more Zen and relaxed.
- Being a vegetarian for two weeks (technically starting today, but I have knowledge that my Ma is cooking sausages tomorrow, so I can't promise to be faithful until Wednesday!!)
- Exercising once in a while - perhaps a spontaneous jog..?
- Buying new accessories to attract a Fish (that's a metaphor. I'm not attracted to fish. *Digging myself a hole*)
- Go out more often (when possible after I have completed my tasks from the Convent)
- Make less of an arse of myself in front of boys/humans in general...

Speaking of the Convent, I keep forgetting to keep y'all informed on the Rat Pack. If you don't remember who these are, they're mentioned in a previous blog post (Cannot remember which, so I'll give you a brief recap).
They are the best looking guys in our school, and in one of them (in my opinion) is a particular babe. His name is A and he's just an actual babe. I've already said that... Well, truth is, we've never had a conversation that's lasted more than two minutes (unless you count the drunken singing when I was sitting on his lap at a friend's party, which I don't) but he seems like a right ol' gent.
I blame the Convent for this. If I were in a mixed school I could just get on with my life, go fishing on a regular basis and just sweep A out of my mind. But because he makes up, like, 5% of the male sixth formers, you can understand the allure!

Well, I'd best go but shall leave in true Grammar Gal style, with a quote [I'm not sad - piss off!]
"Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I should say goodnight till it be morrow" or something like that. It's from Romeo and Juliet which does NOT make me lame.
Knight and I used to recite Romeo and Juliet just for laughs.

Grammar Gal xxx

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Let's try again tomorrow...

OK, the New Me hasn't gotten off to a very good start.
Firstly, this is because I have already eaten bacon after 3 hours of being a vegetarian (I forgot that bacon is in a BLT...).
Secondly, I haven't had time to Feng Shui my desk today because I've been busy - juggling work with going t'pub with the fam (hence, where I had the monstrous BLT).
As well as this, I've been unable to be the cool and collected girl that I described in my New New Years Resolutions - I implied there that I would put thoughts of Knight the Knob out of my head and find a nice, sensible boy. However, alas, over the course of one day I have already texted him thrice and Facebooked him once. What's a girl to do when her mother insists on her texting a boy?!
So, all in all, it's not looking great.
But I shall persevere!
Grammar Gal never quits ;) xxx

Saturday, 28 January 2012

New New Years Resolutions

I've realised that this year hasn't gotten off to a brilliant start, what with my becoming increasingly frustrated with Knight and with the Convent putting a lot of stress on me; I'm up to my eyeballs with work.
Although, saying that, I did manage to watch Footloose last night and a thought suddenly hit me: when will I ever meet my Ren? Seriously, this is a question which had me tossing and turning throughtout the night. And I've therefore decided on a new start, and this has to start with my New Years Resolutions.
As of tomorrow, my 2012 will have started and I have some strict no-nonsense rules for a year of Zen and not a year of Shit (a.k.a. my January so far..!) This includes the following:
1. Become a vegetarian for 2 weeks and then continue this trait every Wednesday in order to become Zen.
2. Feng Shui my desk and de-clutter my life (including my locker).
3. Learn to cook something which does not require a microwave (wave goodbye to them Pot Noodles).
4. Buy a fitness DVD and workout for at least an hour every Saturday.
5. Apply for a summer job/volunteer at a charity shop in order to make a difference. NO! Wait! Better idea: work at a homeless shelter at a soup kitchen (if they exist in England - I assume they do...?)
6. Take up painting because this is well-known for relieving stress (except that guy who chopped his ear off..)

Wiah me luck!
Grammar Gal

Friday, 27 January 2012

Why hello there!
Right, so my life is pretty... surreal at the moment. I won't say too much but it's just quite...weird.
My exchange left me yesterday and I actually cried. As in tears fell out of my face and I no longer think I'm an emotionless robot. This was an accomplishment for me since I only ever cry if:
A. Intoxicated.
B. Arguing with the parents, for dramatic effect.
C. Watching the last episode of FRIENDS/Marley and Me/Titanic/The Elephant Man... OK I cry in films a lot!

I had such a blast with my exchange and the house feels so empty now she's gone!
However, onwards and upwards and I've started my vegetarian regime. Well, I thought I had but it turns out that Haribos actually have meat in them, so I'll be starting the regime tomorrow...

As for the Hippy Attitude towards life... Well it would be a lot easier if Knight the Knob was returning my texts/showing any interest in anybody excluding himself. However, we shall have to Feng Shui him out of our lives and move on. I think it would be easier to move on if there was a multitude of other guys for me to move on to.

There's no point saying "There's plenty other fish in the sea" if you don't have a fishing rod.

The only thing getting me through this...stage of our friendship is my fridge. So far I have consumed a nice variety of low-fat yoghurt (Sense the tone...) but I'm now progressing towards the Maryland Cookies... Mmmmmmmm.... Who needs a man when you can have Maryland? (Ah that rhymes! :') )

Keep you posted when I can no longer fit through the door,
Grammar Gal

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Oh what a beautiful dayyy

Lalalalala - you know them days where you feel like singing for no apparent reason until your neighbours tell you to shut up?!
Ah, today is one of those days: everything is basically perfect :D
My French exchange est chez moi and she is just having a shower as we speak and she is so lovely and ALSO I have Knight News (he's no longer Busted because my heart is now all better - it just had a fracture, it wasn't broken!) : he's not angry at me at all, nor is he blanking me :') JOY TO THE WORLD!!
Life is awesome. The only two things missing are:
1. A tye dye t-shirt from Camden
2. Awesome - we are not in a civil state at the moment but it's complicated... D:

Also I have a "nez rouge" and am SO ILL goddammit! However, I shall survive and all is Ladida Yaddah yaddah yaddah :D
I shan't be able to talk to y'all because of my French exchange, but rest assured life is awesome.
Grammar Gal xxx

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

The Hippie Intervention

At times like these where most of your friends are attending this party on Friday that you're not going to (and there is a LOT of hype around it, so they are obviously excited) and the declaration of love/lust that you made to a boy goes ignored and unanswered, the only possible solution seems to be locking yourself in your room and listening to Magic FM. At full volume.
But, alas, this needs to STOP!
Introducing...How to Be Hippie... It's an awesome scheme which consists of the following aspects:
1. Find/make a Tye Dye t-shirt and live in it: bright colours liven any mood.
2. Turn vegetarian: It gives you something to COMMIT to, when committing to certain boys seems out of the question...
3. Meditate and just become Zen.
4. Take a totally Zen attitude to life in general and listen to happy music, like Heart FM.
All of this I intend to do as soon as my French exchange has come and gone (next week).
With all of this is the recipe to forget about The Event Of The Year and the boy that's obsessed with Busted (Knight) who no longer wants to talk to you...
In fact, to start this New Me I shall start by giving Knight a new name: he shall no longer be called Knight (unless we make up - highly unlikely since we no longer speak) and shall instead be called Busted - because he loves the band and he's no longer the Knight I need..
Peace out!
Grammar Gal

Saturday, 14 January 2012


As promised, I am writing this to keep you posted on what happened last night.
OK, so by 7:15 I had downed a whole Smirnoff Ice, which usually would not be something to brag about or complain about, but its effects on me were...surreal. Within the first hour of the gathering I had already called Knight (and I was only a bit tipsy!) and declared the undying love etc etc... But told him that we are very complex beings and need to talk. Then I remember (vaguely) rambling on about elephants and..Oh I am just cringing whilst thinking about it.
When I relayed this to Mrs Nerg and Awesome they assumed I was acting tipsy and that I was actually sober (which, FYI, is totally not true) which sort of bummed me out a bit... But then I got over it and downed another Smirnoff and everything was great again.
Things turned from great to just plain weird when we played "I have never..." which then turned into "Truth Or Dare" and where most of us kissed others of us etc etc...
After that people went back to the dancefloor and some of the people there kept spilling their drinks, meaning I was constantly busy! Whilst cleaning the floor, Awesome made a joke about something or other and I was supposed to spray her top but instead squirted the stuff in her eyes.
Needless to say she was pretty annoyed and, since this was a time where I was on my 3rd Smirnoff (And I am the biggest lightweight known to mankind) I overreacted completely and started crying..!
I know - I was pretty far gone at that stage...
But, 2 of the girls there came to the toilets with me to clean my face and get the makeup off and they were just plain awesome - really darn sweet, and I now like them a lot more :)
Knight later texted me about whether I was having a party, and I replied Yes but I meant everything that I had said, and he asked me what I was talking about (maybe he didn't get the message or maybe he was just playing dumb so as not to hurt my feelings...?!!)
I can't remember what else really happened last night, bit I distinctly remember waking up and feeling like Death. I felt so ill and dizzy - the room was literally spinning.
And the moral of the story, folks, is that after 2 Smirnoffs a lightweight should just stop!
Grammar Gal xxx

Friday, 13 January 2012

Tis the night of Friday 13th...

Yes, y'all know what that means...
It's time for the house gathering. With me now is Mrs Nerg (since she likes to eat, move, minus the reproduction..etc) and we are "studying" chez moi.
It's all rather exciting really - about to get changed into my Classy Slutty dress so I thought I should update you on what's the happs round here.
Knight Update: The Bastard said "Happy Two Year Anniversary" of our complicated friendship...
And hasn't talked to me since...
I've made a list in my head of the things I would never usually do when I'm in a rational state of mind:
- Give Knight a link to this site [but even if I do this I'll still write openly and wont change at all]
- Go craaaazy :D

Only thing slightly annoying me is that Awesome told me some people are just using this gathering as "practise" for this girl's party on Friday - rude that I'm not invited! -.-
Keep you posted when Knight tells me I'm a freak,
Grammar Gal

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

The Holiday Romance that Never Happened...

Whilst reading Pride and Prejudice today there was a part where they are all dancing and it brought back a random and sudden memory of my holiday to Italy last year. We were staying on a beautiful little hotel and there was a hotel dance one night and this boy caught my eye, it has to be said. However, I reminded myself that holiday romances only ever happen in you are a Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, and don't occur in real life.
Little did I know that this blond-haired, blue-eyed wonder had apparently had his eye on me, to such an extent that his mum came up to me and told me this and that he wanted to dance with me. I was completely taken aback, obviously wanted to dance with him but definitely did not want to do it in front of my parents who were just...so embarrassing and acting like they were 10 years old, making kissing noises and winking at me.
So, I didn't have time to answer before the Heart Throb walked away into the shrubbery in the hotel. I walked away and had hoped to find him there so that we could have a romantic moment away from our family. But I couldn't find him. By the time I returned to my table, he and his family had disappeared, my mother (Who had been acting like Mrs Bennet about the whole affair - desperate to marry me off, as it were) declared how the boy had been "crushed". Let's just remember that I would have said yes, had he not run away!!
And then he and his family apparently left the day after next and I never saw him again.
It was so tragic - like Romeo and Juliet except that we never talked to each other or snogged or married or had sex or died...
Ah, woe is life, I wish I could go back in time! He was an utterly gorgeous babe and now he'd gone and Knight the Knob is nowhere to be seen and I flat-out refuse to talk to him unless intoxicated. Bastard.
Grammar Gal xxx

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

It just got better and better...

There's a theory that when one aspect of your life is going remarkably well, another piece falls to shit. My day today has proved this theory to be a load of crap because nothing in my life is going remarkably well at the moment and everything was shit..
Educationally: Ooooo my parents are going to have a "serious discussion" with half my teachers on Parents Evening (SUCH FUN!)
Socially: A girl in my year is having a party and I'm not invited (not that I mind - it's just that most of my friends, including Awesome, are going...and my French exchange shall be pissed because she wanted to go to a party...)
Romantically: Knight the Knobhead hasn't attempted to talk to me at all and things are just...cold... and I really missed him today. It's very sad and I feel like yelling at the bastard, but also like crying uncontrollably...
Back to the whole education going tits-up : I am under Desk Arrest, which means I have to do flat-out work for the next millenium...
Jaysus Christ...!
Wish me luck,
Grammar Gal

Monday, 9 January 2012

New Plan Of Action

Let's not beat about the bush here (no, that is not a euphemism - naughty..!) there are only 2 ways I can deal with the Knight Complex Dilemna:
1. Accept our friendship and wallow in self pity, consuming my body weight in a mixture of Curly Wurlys and Mars Bars.
2. Ask him out and just live with the consequences.

And, this time, I choose option 2. Timing, however, is everything. Now, one cannot just drop bombshells like this on people's lives so here is my New Plan to Get the Man:
Firstly, I must declare my love in a drunken text message and/or phone call (aware this is a potential disaster since it will be Friday 13th after all...).
However, as well as this traditional way of picking up a guy we shall add a Grammar Gal touch, which is thus. For his 16th birthday I bought him a guitar pick with his name on (it is absolutely awesome) and I ever gave it to him. I told him I would mail it to him. What he doesn't know, however, is that I am lazy and cannot be asked to sort out the posting etc etc... So instead I'm wondering if I should recruit Awesome to come with me and go on a road trip (via public transport) in order to leave the present on his doorstep, ring the door bell and walk away at a quick pace. This will obviously result in him sprinting down the road to see us, taking me in his arms and... well let's just say we would no longer be in the Friend Zone...
So, the plan is faultless, see? The only possible hitch is whether I should wrap the plectrum up in Busted wrapping paper (Knight LOVES Busted...) Maybs that's a little OTT though...
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Just asking for it..?

OK, I may be asking for something god-awful to happen here but I am hosting a party on Friday 13th. Aaaahhhh! There are many things that could potentially go wrong:
a. I could burn the house down by making myself a pot noodle.
b. I could pull a Katy Perry and unintentionally invite the entire street to my house and then my house could collapse.
c. We could all get chicken pox (although the chances of that are slim since I've already had it - HELL TO THE YEAH :D )
Oh, but the list just goes on and on...!
Well, I shall be out and about today but I'll keep you posted if anything new happens,
Grammar Gal xxx

ALSO, haven't given a Knight Update in soo long so here it is:
We are friends who are probably seeing other people (the seeing is being done on his side, not on mine unless you didn't get that..).
The only place a girl can meet a guy is on the train to school, and I'm not even sure that those boys even constitute as humans - they're more like a different species, which takes pleasure ins sex jokes and are just generally vile to look at or sit near.
So, there goes that idea. I'll just stay a spinster until I go to university then. Great.
All hell is going to break loose there, I promise you...

Thursday, 5 January 2012


Feeling slightly outraged to be perfectly honest!
I was rather pleased that I had a grand total of 3 people following me on Twitter but one of them has un-followed me! Rude.
Well, my self esteem is now at rock-bottom *dramatic sigh*.
Please may someone put me out of my misery?!
My twitter name is LittleMissUK_41 so please follow. Oh wow I am aware how desperate that just sounded. Right, let's try that sentence again, shall we?
So, er, yeah dudes, my name is LittleMissUK_41 so, er, yeah, check it out if you want to but, yeah, it's totally cool if you don't..
^Wow I a pretty impressed at how cool I can sound :O <-- Aware this just spoiled the whole "cool" vibe I was trying to put across...Hmmmm...
Grammar Gal

World War Three

There's an awful stereotype about families that live in suburban areas, especially if their parents are bankers. People seem to assume that these people's lives are perfect and that the family spends dinner time praying and talking with enthusiasm about one another's day, never quarreling about what the other person said.
I can tell you now that this is all a lie. I live in a suburban town and my parents are bankers but our life is far from perfect. For starters, our dinner table talks mainly resolve around politics which sounds fairly middle class; except for I am extremely left-wing and pro-immigration, and the rest of my family is very right-wing and anti-immigraton. Dinner time is never fun.
Then there's the fact that right now I seem to be slap bam in the middle of World War Three.
Basically I have lost my National Insurance Card and naturally my parents went beserk on me. But I don't mind being told off once, appoogising and helping to look for the card. What I cannot stand is my family's chosen method: rabbitting on and on and on and on about it, making you look for the card literally for hours (it gets to the point where you have looked in every place imaginable and you have to start again so that you don't seem "lazy") and then they talk about how "disorganised" you are and yaddah yaddah yaddah...
It doesn't really bother me and I'm not going to lose too much sleep over it. Although I say that and I have been crouching here next to my radiator for a good half and hour. I reckon that I must have lost weight sitting here - my skin feels as though it's melting off fat as I sit here in my babygrow (it's NOT called a onesie!!)

Hopefully the card will just turn up out of the blue as the debit cards and oyster cards have done before it...
Wish me luck and keep you posted (if I do live through this warfare),
Grammar Gal

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

It's the zen that gets the men

Ah life is beautiful. Feeling like singing "Oh what a beautiful morning!" even though it's 6pm - Jeez, I should do some work in a minute! Ah, love. I feel on top of the world, looking down on creation (what a tune!)
Today, on the first day of school, I got my Zen back - no more wallowing. Hell to the no! Instead, I am at peace with the world and I feel very hippie-esque - I blame my new peace bracelet.
Knight and I just had an hour conversation and, ah, life is just swell. He's witty and funny and, ah, I do fancy the pants off that boy..
Just thought I should let you know this - for no particular reason!
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Feeling Zen

As promised, I am re-blogging because I have something muchas cheerful to say. Yesterday was the BEST  day of the Christmas holidays because I went shopping with my best friend and hit the sales. She's one of them people that makes shopping bearable: if we had just been wandering around aimlessly then I have no doubt that I would have sat on the floor and had a temper tantrum and acted like a 2 year old. However, shopping was fin, with us both giving each other boy advice, school advice and friends advice. Must admit though I did feel a little bit sorry for all of the people that we were blatantly disturbing on the train. Oh, the looks!

Man with briefcase: Yes, Mark, we have to trade in these bonds blah blah blah.
Me and my best friend: Yeah and then he was like...and then she cheated on him with...and I was like Oh My God...

But, secretly, I think the people on the train were interested in our lives as shown by the way the whole carriage went silent and people craned their necks when she was reading out a text message she had received from an ex. What can I say? Everyone secretly likes hearing about the woes of teenage girls...

So, now I am completely Zen and I even bought a bracelet with a Peace Sign on it because I am a hippie. I am so Zen in fact that I have made no attempt to contact Knight, unless you count the failed prank call yesterday (he didn't even pick up his phone...)

Today is the last day of the holidays and I'm so gutted! Now I have to quickly revise for this IFS finance exam (a complete waste of time because I don't want to be a banker..) and teach myself Physics (that's the only way I will learn anything in time for my GCSE).
Wish me luck!
Grammar Gal

Sunday, 1 January 2012

grammargal: It's the most wonderful time of the year...

grammargal: It's the most wonderful time of the year...: I love December. Everyone scurrying to and fro, wrapped up in their mittens and gloves, couples kissing in the street (although it gets to ...


Terribly sorry for not posting sooner, but I'm afraid I have been rather ill which, alas, meant that I had to postpone the New Year's Eve Eve party and shall have to do it on another day instead...
I shall not give you the icky details into the virus I caught but let's just say that I haven't gone into the New Year with my usual optimistic I-can-do-anything attitude.
Firstly, this is because I have a migraine which feels as though Muhammad Ali has been hitting my head with a metal hammer for hours on end.
Secondly, I have so much work to do and 3 days to do it in.
Thirdly, I have NO IDEA what I have done during these holidays - they have literally gone so quickly and I haven't really done anything: I didn't meet up with Knight, I met up with the friends once or twice - so what have I been doing, other than trying to write this book?!?!
Oh dear.
Well, I think I shall re-blog when I have something cheerful to say - but I hope 2012 brings y'all happiness :)

**************************************** 3 hours later *********************************

I know you must be impressed by this: I actually left my house OMG, right?! Yeah, popped down to Game and bought just about all of the Harry Potter related stuff in there - because that's obviously what badass people do.
Then I came home, did a bit of Knight stalking, got depressed that he has a social life and then had a consultation with the two men I have been having passionate affairs with since before I remember: Ben and Jerry. And now I sit here, wallowing in self pity, and listening to Video Games by Lana Del Rey which is an amazing song, but very depressing and now I feel the need to wear all black and go Taylor Momsen-esque.

Oh Golly (aware how British I sound here) I have FINISHED the Ben and Jerry tub... Right - need food. Doing a bit of exploring but all I can see is Rich Tea Biscuits. Not enough calories in that are there? Really, they are like lettuce, but not green. Oh, this is dire! Right, I shall munch on this gum. EURGH how long has THAT been in my bag for?!?!
I shall just wallow here in pity, hungry and *deep dramatic breath* alone.

Grammar Gal