Sunday, 29 December 2013

New Years Resolutions!

This year I'm not even gonna go with the 'eat healthier' resolution. We all know this involves an emotional goodbye for Ben and Jerry and tears at having to replace Maryland cookies with melons. So instead of doing resolutions I can't keep to, I'm gonna be realistic this year:
1. EAT MORE. I'm gonna put this as a resolution so when I do it I can say it was my plan all along...! And, hey, maybe I will eat the odd banana. Or maybe not...
2. Be more confident. This is part of Operation: Become Girlfriend Goddess. I'm not used to being a guy's girlfriend and I'm acting all wrong! I'm all shy and silly and self-conscious and jealous of humbug's beautiful girl friends. Enough is enough! There must be a reason he is dating me, despite my neuroticness and geekiness. I just have to remember this and stop being such a silly milly.
3. Stop playing the victim. All of my boo-hooing about previous twazzocks and claiming they fucked me up is hindering my relationship. So from now on: stop thinking about past knobheads and focus on my splendid boyfriend.
4. Exercise more. This may involve running to the fridge. It still counts!

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Thursday, 26 December 2013

'YOLO Swaggins'

Ah, Christmas is over. We've all sung The Fairytale of New York so many times that we know the girl's lyrics off by heart, and the Hugh Grant love actually routine has naturally been performed.
It's the festive season that makes all girls who are loved up feel happy to be with their boyfriends. Walks in the park, kisses under mistletoe, holding hands in the snow.... Oh, it's a beautiful image. And every year I've glared jealously at the petite blondes and their Hollister boyfriends and even the weirdo boys with their relatively cool gals. Wintertime is like being on Noah's Ark: everyone walks by two-by-two. Festivities, in brief, are a time to make single gals feel bitter and make eating countless pigs-in-blankets seem essential.
This year, however, I have a boyfriend! No, you didn't mis-read that: I have a boyfriend.
Yes, me! The girl who cannot talk to a member of the opposite sex without making an inappropriate joke/pun, whose idea of flirting is asking what the time is and whose idea of a diet is a pot noodle (because they have vegetables in them). I somehow got myself a boyfriend.
Humbug. As I said before, we were dating. I wasn't really sure where we were going and he is so bloody laid back that I didn't even know if he liked me. But, alas. For the first time since I was 12 a boy asked me to be his girlfriend and I felt like a princess.
True, he didn't bring me flowers, and it wasn't raining, and there were no violins in the background. In fact, we were just watching lord of the rings and he popped the question (yes, we are treating it as a marriage proposal because in teen terms they are the same thing).

And this leads to the big question: is Humbug too laid back?
Let's take a trip down memory lane of the guys I have fancied:
1. Knight the Knobhead. He was a mixture of intense and laid-back. He was a bad boy with a good heart (until he became a massively selfish twatface and ignored my countless texts and got himself a girlfriend)
2. Curly Haired Guy. He was super-intense and, yes, I found that scary and hot in equal measure.
3. Funny Guy. He wasn't intense - he was laid back but we texted all day every day so I suppose you could perceive that as intense.

Anyways, with all 3 of these ghosts from the past, we have always been super-intimate. We would chat all the time and he would know everything about me. The only problem is that I told all of them that I wanted to stay 'casual' and they took that the mean that they could bugger off and get bimbo girlfriends.
With humbug, he's not my best friend. And we don't talk all the time - he's got a busy life and I just have to accept that. And maybe that's a good thing that we don't talk ALL the time - maybe that's too much! Maybe, by being a clingy koala bear, I chased the knobheads away.

Having said this, I sometimes think that humbug takes me for granted. He doesn't ask me out a lot (it's usually me who asks him), he flirts with other girls (sometimes in front of me!) and he keeps drunk texting me things like 'yolo swaggins'. No, you did not misread that.

I know I know, I need to cut him some slack - he's fantabulous at other things. Even though we have opposite personalities and opinions and preferences, we are kinda compatible. I don't know how to describe it... We just kinda fit together like jigsaw pieces. And he's always super-sweet: he gave me a beautiful and expensive necklace for Christmas and he constantly tells me I'm pretty.
I just wish he told me he liked me more :')
I'm fairly sure in asking for too much but, hey, what is grammar gal without her high maintenance tendencies?!

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Feeling Blue...

...And not Tiffany Blue, either. I'm feeling so mehmehmehmeh.
I know I said I wouldn't blog about Funny Guy anymore and I'm not going to, but for you to understand the context of my Blue Mood you need to know that Funny Guy has ended things with me. The result was naturally that I spent Monday and Tuesday watching Easy A and other amazing films whilst crying on my enormous Pug toy and eating my feelings in chocolate.
But that's not all.

Bridget Jones said that when one part of your life is going well then another turns to shit. But everything has turned to shit!
1. Humbug. We still find him incredibly cute, charming and hot BUT our conversations are a bit... Well, we have very little in common and sometimes I just have no idea what he sees in me. Is he only with me because I'm there? I saw him joking around with this girl who is basically me, but she's a lot more confident and loud - so she's like a better version of me. And she's prettier and funnier and cooler. And he sits next to her in class and they get on so well. But she's out of his league so I think he's just slumming it with me!! I'm probably being silly, but I am worried at how little we have to say to each other sometimes. And now he's buggered off to bloody Egypt. OMG and yesterday was our Goodbye and he walked me to the bus stop, it was very cute. But. How to put this? I was expecting him to snog the bejeesus out of me, and all I got was a peck! So this poses the question: is he actually into me or is he just with me because I'm his Kissing Doll and he would actually prefer to go out with the un-neurotic PFC (pretty, funny, cool) girl?

2. Funny Guy. As aforementioned, he no longer wants us to talk all the time and now he's ignoring my messages...

3. My phone has been stolen, like the gal in Taken! Except that I'm no Liam Neeson so I can't track it down. I don't care about the phone - it's Funny Guy's messages that I'm grieving over. Now I'm never going to talk to him again and I have nothing to remember him by!! Maybe it's for the best?

4. I'm soooooooo full! Just went to the carvery with my friends and they were judging me because I couldn't finish my meat so I (confessions) secretly emptied my meat into the gravy pot...

Think that's the Low-Down of what's up rubberduck.
Planning to get 'wahsted' and drown my sorrows. Oh, yes, and on Saturday there's a party which Funny Guy and his girl best friend (who convinced him to end things with me) will be attending. Torn between acting like a drunken moron or acting like a sassy fox who is sober and in control. We shall have to see....

Saturday, 14 December 2013

The Friends' Relationship Advice Complex

Bridget Jones was so on point when she said 'Friends,, they spend most of your life trying to get you together with someone and once you finally get a boyfriend they say you should dump him'. So so true (Bazz, this is aimed at you!)
Bazz is the bestest chick in the world but she thinks I should dump Humbug because she's not sure he's that into me. Now this is just adding to my previous doubts and now the Jealousy Queen is back on the throne..!!!
Oh, what a dilemma! And hum is coming round tonight so I don't know how to act around him. What Bazz said can be supported: we don't really talk at school, sometimes our conversations are kinda bland and he doesn't always reply to my texts within a few hours... Hmmmm tis a dilemma. Does he fancy his girl besties like Bazz thinks? Or am I being completely neurotic as per?
I'm hoping it's the latter.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal