Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Slutty Alter-Ego

Just as expected.After I reached halfway through my Vodka bottle I reached my Vodka Wall and so when the boy WHO GOES TO MY SCHOOL leaned in, I let him kiss me. Repeatedly.
Look, I REGRET IT already. I want my next kiss to be magical and meaningful and with someone I truly love. And that's never going to happen if I keep snogging random people.
Argh. I'm annoyed - REALLY ANNOYED - that I broke my vow to myself that I'd been someone amazing and go out with him and then snog him.
Argh I'm doing my adolescence completely wrong - Sabrina the teenage witch and Rory from Gilmore Girls would be disappointed because they're so perfect and I'm so fucked up.
Jaysus I need to find a boyfriend because hooking up with randomers isn't good.
I blame you, Slutty Alter-Ego.
And I met lots of people tonight - I accidentally insulted a boy's 6-pack, another boy's biceps and the boy I got with had a hairy chest :O Not OK
And this concludes the drunk post
P.S. I obvs texted Knight

No pressure but...

...Tonight is the night of the exclusive Halloween party which I was surprisingly invited to.
It's a chance to meet people I have n-e-v-e-r spoken to before.
And, not trying to be dramatic, but I know I will cock this up because
A. My dress is too long; all the girls are probably going to wear short black bodycons and stick on a hat and say they're a witch. I'm wearing a backless red dress which comes down to the MIDDLE OF MY THIGH - a.k.a. too long
B. I will feel nervous and get drunk. When I get drunk I talk too much and offend people - usually boys (i.e. criticising their outfits, their hairstyles...).
C. Another side-effect of my getting drunk is my Slutty Alter-Ego. I wish she would just leave me alone but, hey, every time I get properly drunk I do stupid things (*cough* Loverat/Shy Guy *cough*)
D. I cannot put make-up on myself - so my face will be patchy + orange and my eyes will have very little eyeliner on them (I'm ridicuously unskilled in that area).
E. I will cock up any attempt to talk to a member of the opposite sex. Especially if the Slutty Alter-ego comes out again...
F. I get over-emotional once I've hit the Vodka Wall (everyone has one - it's the limit of vodka you can have before going crazy!).

So that just about sums up my main concerns.
Wish me luck,
Grammar Gal

Sunday, 28 October 2012

New Start Inspired by Durham

This weekend I visited my sister. The trip was great: we got to catch up and I've missed her immensely so that was fun.
But in the evening we went out to a club and it seems that I thought I could handle half a bottle of Vodka.
I really couldn't.
I got so drunk at the pre-drinks that when people talked to me, I could only catch glimpses of what they were saying, and I kept repeating myself (my top phrases were: "Oh my God you're Irish!", "your shoes do match your shirt", "I like a guy with chest hair"). And when I got to the club itself I realised/imagined that the boy I had been talking to at predrinks, the Shy Guy, looked like Knight. With this realisation I tried to stay away from him, for fear of a repeat of the Loverat situation (a.k.a. getting off with a randomer).
Obviously this plan failed.
We ended up dancing and then snogging but...
I can't think of a way to phrase this in the nicest way possible.
When I first kissed the Shy Guy it felt like there was a washing machine in my mouth.
Not good.
But, nonetheless, I spent most of my night doing this activity and dancing (which, incidentally, constituted of a lot of bum-grabbing). The Shy Guy was starting to bore me after we had been dancing like this for a good hour so I initiated that we go upstairs and sit down.
Little did I know that this sitting down would also lead to us kissing some more.
I suddenly realised that I didn't know this boy. And then I started to freak out. I had, yet again, got off with a stranger whose surname I did not know.
And then I started to panic that I couldn't find my sister and I was so drunk that everybody looked the same.
Eventually I found one of her Roomies and they led me to my sister, who was worried sick about me. We left shortly after, but not before a boy whose name was the same as Knight's hit on me. The reminder of Knight was a little bit too much to take.
When we got back to my sister's house I had to go to her room and have a little cry because
A. I was too drunk to function
B. I realised I had never kissed a boy who had genuinely cared about me or who wasn't out-of-his-mind drunk.

This has led me to my New Start. True, my first couple of kisses weren't great - they weren't memorable and they weren't meaningful. But as of now I vow not to snog a boy unless we have been on a date and if I truly like him. And I cannot be under the influence of alcohol.
That's my plan to get a proper man.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Fairy Godmother: Top Wingwoman

Today I was a little worried.
For starters, it has become apparent to me that my talking to boys always ends in me saying something awkward/talking too much and then a large awkward silence.
Today, for instance, I unintentionally told Z about how my teacher told me I need to get a life yesterday at parents' evening...!
He did laugh, but obviously at me not with me..!
So then I fretted about Gent - after all we're going to a party on Wednesday. But I don't even remotely like the Gent anymore (sorry, but he reminds me of a square). There is a nice boy at school, let's call him Tree, and he seems nice but I don't fancy him or anything don't worry! Well, I started worrying that I'd talk to Tree & Gent and be myself (a.k.a. weird) --> the night would end in disaster.
Instead, my Fairy Godmother (FG for short) has stepped in and has agreed to be my wingwoman, in exchange for me being hers. PLAN!
NB. This is a girl who acts like a fairy godmother. I don't believe in fairies.
Just thought I'd clarify.

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Grammar Gal in Shock

The Serial Dater plan in undoubtedly a good one, and one I shall probably refer back to later.
But right now I have bigger things on my mind.
I've been invited to a Halloween Party where Gent and co. (the New Rat Pack) will be there.

I'll bet you anything that I cock it up.
Anyways, I've decided to go as a devil (I'm sure loads of others will go as a devil - it's not exactly a unique idea...!!) and I have my dress and horns all ready.
Gaa I cannot wait :')
So, just to recap, this Top Nerd has:
1. A visit to Durham over the weekend to look forward to
2. A Haloween Party
3. A gathering with my friends.

Whoop whoop! I love having things to do - especially after Knob and his girlfriend put up that devastatingly cute picture on Facebook yesterday...
Keep you posted,

Friday, 19 October 2012

Serial Dater

Ignore my previous post.
I am no longer feeling glum because I have a Plan.
Oh yes. Brace yourself.

My Plan Of Action is to become a Serial Dater. I am going to meet up with all of the boys who I have met/liked in the last month (Prince' ball lads, boys from the bus, old friend I bumped into yesterday perhaps and maybe even the Cutie) and I'm going to see what the date feels like.
I feel like I need t get out there.
Oh, there is a reason for this new attitude: The Tosser/Shithead Knob has a picture of him and his girlfriend looking all cute on Facebook.
Fucking hate him.
So off I go onto the market.
There are no flaws to this plan because if one rejects me then I move onto another one.
Hell to the yeah!
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

P.S. the list of potentials:
- Z
- 3 boys from Prince's
- 2 boys from bus
- Boy friend I saw yesterday
- Adam
- Cutie

A leopard never changes its spots...

...but it does change its knickers. Today I learnt the life lesson that whilst thongs look like an inhumane device used to torture people in Ancient Egypt, they are actually ridiculously comfortable :O
Moving swiftly on...
A week or so ago I promised you that I would refrain from finding anybody attractive until I found The Guy who made me feel all fuzzy. This plan lasted a good...3 days.
Then I met the Gent, the Cutie and some other people. So I've realised that fancying lots of people at once is way more fun and beneficial that being hung up on one person (does everyone remember Knight?!)
The Gent that I mentioned in the last blog post is history. Once again I'm too intimidated by The It Crowd (that's my school's new Rat Pack) that he belongs to and all of the leggy blondes who are after him.
I'm a quitter. When I can't do something I generally give up.
However, I am going to see my sister in lovely Durham soon, so that will give me something to look forward to.
As for the boy thing, all of the cool guys are going to parties with girls I've never talked to. Pretty soon they'll be snatched up - heyho that's life :)
And so I have decided to just give up on all boys in my school.
But I am certainly not ruling out boys altogether.

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Shopping Spree

Today I went shopping "for a new bag" which, as most girls can verify, also needs a hat to go with it (and, preferably, gloves too!). Then I bought a G-string (voluntarily :O) but it is stuffed in my drawer and shall never see the light of day - it looks ridiculously uncomfortable.
So what was the reason for this shopping spree?
In truth, I don't really know. But it could be because
A. Adam from the cruise cancelled our Tiger Tiger Haloween Date where we were going to go there and I was going to dress up as a devil and it was going to be amazing.
B. I have a teeny weeny crush on a boy who is so far out of my league that he makes Z look like Homer Simpson.
C. I now have no plans for Haloween - which is my favourite holiday!
D. I have so much work to do that it depresses me, yet I cannot be asked to do it.

Think that sums it up...
Today I had 2 free periods but I spent one of them sleeping and the other talking with Bazz about the boy I have the teeniest tiniest crush on. We have decided to call him Gent because he apparently has a "classic" look about him, though I didn't really think he was that great looking until today.
E-v-e-r-y female in the history of the world is after Gent, which is why I know that if I attempted to go after it, I would be unsuccessful and I would cock it up...!
Today, for instance, I unintentionally told him I didn't like his tie.
Why would I do that?!
It was a perfectly nice tie.
Oh I am such a Numpty.

Then at the bus stop I saw The Cutie and we were alone and I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. It was my Golden Opportunity and I wasted it...
Then I saw Afro at the bus stop and talked to him and it wasn't awkward at all - oh, if only my year 11 self could see me now :')
Then I saw a boy I used to talk to on my bus and we talked for a while which was nice.
So, all in all, a good day (minus the thong that I'm scared of)

Monday, 15 October 2012

Tits Pervert with a Twist

Ordinarily if a boy stares at your boobs then you assume he's a Tits Pervert - a.k.a. a regular guy.
With this principle in mind, when a boy I met today kept eyeing me up down there I couldn't help musing how
A. I should have worn a better bra that would give the illusion of larger breasts
B. The situation was a bit like Disney (and I don't mean to say that I watched a pervy Disney. I'll explain later)
C. I am incapable of flirting. As previously established somewhere on the blog, my idea of flirting is to talk too much about something completely random (namely Emmerdale, the colour of the sky or any other random stuff that comes to mind).

OK, back to the whole Disney Parallel: in Disney films, it is OK to talk to strangers if he's hot (i.e. in Sleeping Beauty or Snow White) and in this situation it's OK for a guy to stare freely at your breasts if he's hot. It doesn't feel as pervy.
And that's why boys like that are Tits Perverts with a Twist - you don't even realise they're pervy because they're so huminahuminahumina-aah.


Today I also talked to Awesome for the first time in a while which was nice... What else... Oh, yes, I spoke to one of my close friends for a long time. Oh, but she doesn't have a nickname on here!!
OK, from now on she shall be... The Confidante because we are completely honest with each other. Or I may just refer to her as C since it's shorter! :')

Right, well I have an English essay due in tomorrow and I have written...the title.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Teen Problems

On the grand scale of things, what I'm about to rant about isn't that important.
But to me? It's like an avalanche has just hit me.
My father (note the tone) is not allowing me to have a party with more that 20 people.
He may as well just lock me up in a tower and throw away the key for my birthday. Me and my friend had it all worked out: who I was going to invite, how many people would have plus 1s, how many boys would be there and now...
Parents are just so...
There are no words.
Thankfully, 17 isn't an important age. In fact I reeeealllly don't want to turn 17 because
A. None all of the teens in the American films (i.e. Dirty Dancing, Monte Carlo) are 16 and magical things happen for them.
B. I have the mind of a 10 year old so the older I get the less acceptable it is when I go to Game and buy the newest Harry Potter DS Game *hangs head in shame*...
C. It means my party will have to top my last one; and I loved my 16th birthday party (it was a surprise so I did no work and I still had loads of fun).

Oh you would think I was a spoilt little brat if I didn't explain why my ban from having a proper party is bugging me so much: my father was a wild child when he was younger (think: downing pints at the pub at 15) , so it's just so hypocritical!
I hate being in a bad mood and I know that I'm being silly and in approximately 5 minutes I will look back at this moment and say: "Oh, tits, you are a plonker".
Until that moment, however, I am going to sulk.

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

May it be noted that I'm looking back now and realising I am a plonker and my birthday will still be fun. Besides, my 18th is just around the corner... :p

Thursday, 11 October 2012

Weird Things I've Done Lately

Hey, there's a reason I haven't blogged in so long.
I was checking that Z hadn't found my blog via twitter and I've figured that if he has then he will have gone on it once and will never look at it again.
Right, so today I'm going to do a list of Weird Things I've Done Lately:

1. Today I was hysterically laughing at a boy whose name is Owen and laughing because his name is not spelt like Eoghan Quigg's
2. Then I started crying (with laughter) at the memory of Eoghan Quigg and the fact he had a self-titled album that no-one bought
3. I bought a pain-au-chocolat and spilt it down my white dress
4. I talked to The Cutie to ask him where Bazz was, even though I knew exactly where she was (cringe)
5. I wore an impossibly short skirt which rode to indecent lengths (so indecent, in fact, that my cardigan was longer than it)
6. Awkwardly ignoring Z at the bus stop even though we sometimes speak on Facebook/text
7. Practising my "sexy" winking skills on new friends in sixth form.
8. Laughing hysterically at things that aren't even that funny (I blame lack of Red Bull).
9. Making up a story about my phone, who is a spinster and will soon need to go to a Phone Care Home

OK, I think that covers all of my activities over the past...couple of days.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Monday, 8 October 2012

Cutie on the bus

OK, I know I promised that I wouldn't find anyone attractive as of now but...I lied.
The Cutie from my school was on the bus today and, yes, we have nothing in common and, yes, he's too shy for my liking but....huminahuminahumina---ahhh
I mean seriously.

Moving swiftly on, I have not Facebook stalked nor really thought about Knight the Knob all day (until just now - a major improvement) so yay!
I think this is major improvement. If Knight were my drug then I would be ready to come back to rehab as an alumni by now (:

So this was just a quick message to say... I'm no longer hung up on the Knob.
Celebratory mexican wave wahoooo

P.S. some things on the blog have been altered.
I'll explain later. 

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Newest Plan Yet

Ultimately I just want to be as happy as Larry. And I've been finding this difficult with the knowledge that I knew and could not have a boy who was pure perfection. But now that's OK because, as I've said before, I've gotten over Knight and I accept we have both moved on and it just wasn't meant to be.

Z is never going to happen. I know I know - people keep telling me to "go for it" and that he isn't out of my league, but there's no real spark and he is definitely not into me in that way so let's leave him be and focus on being his friend (if that's possible!).
The Cutie is...cute but that's all. I don't know what he's like and I don't particularly fancy him.
The Bus Boys I met the other day were nice but I have nothing in common with either of them.
Prince is too shy and introverted - I prefer loud people.
There are the 3 boys from Prince's Ball but... they weren't anything special.

I'm done with ogling after guys who I have nothing in common with/no intention of asking out. From now on, here's my Newest Plan: I'm not going to be as desperate. If the right guy comes along before I go to uni then that's great. If not...then I'll have to wait.
It's time for me to accept that my Bucket List of finding the Perfect Boyfriend or at least having The Perfect Kiss will not be fulfilled before my 17th birthday (which is in less than a month's time).

Now that I've decided that I'm going to stay single until I find someone new that resembles Mr Right, I'm already feeling mellow as a marshmallow. I need to stop listening to cutesy-couple songs by Taylor Swift, Whitney Houston and every other female artist on my iPod. As of tomorrow I'm going to stop this silly quest for my new Royalty [I've already liked a Duke, a Knight and a Prince...] and will wait for someone that I really like to come along.
And this time I won't cock it up.

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Little Catch Up

Hello chums,
I have been immensely busy "working" which we both know means watching Gilmore Girls/Sabrina the Teenage Witch/Friends/Emmerdale..!
Well, anyways, some things have happened in the space of...time it has been since I last wrote.
Just a warning: I've consumed 2 Red Bulls so expect a LOT of excitement!

The Player Plan
My sister's boyfriend's college son (it's confusing to explain) vaguely knows Knight the Knob/manscum. So the Player Plan is to get to know this guy when I go and see my sister and
Best Case Scenario: Have an amazingly awesome picture taken of us --> uploaded to Facebook --> show Knight that his Knobishness has lost him this Grammar Gal [P.S. let's hope that the Knob doesn't still have this address. That would be awkward. But then again...I don't really care about him enough!)
Worst Case Scenario: There would be no photographic evidence or the photographic evidence would be so atrociously ugly of my drunken state that it would never be permitted to reach Facebook. This seems likely.

Talked to The Cutie at school
This is the really shy boy with not many friends who is so adorable and ahhhh. My opening line (which was also my closing line) was "Have you seen Bazz anywhere?" to which he replied he had not.
We obviously have a deep relationship...

I saw S today

Today I saw Z's ex, S and she is lovely as ever and I now feel like such a Knob that I used to find her intimidating when she's actually nice =]

One of my close friends told Knight to "stop fucking with [my] head" and acting like a "twat". And now he's left me alone for good! Yay! Sure, I'd have liked to have been friends with Knight but it's not possible because
A He's changed and is now a Knob who doesn't reply to messages
B. He now has a girlfriend so a lot of our bant would be inappropriate
C. His text apology wasn't satisfactory for me. When I apologised to him and tried to move on, I wrote him a letter. He has me address. He knows how to write. You see my point.
Or at least a phone call would have sufficed. A text is just inadequate.

So I decided that if he wants to be in my life he has to really try, and he didn't make an effort: he, naturally, did not reply to my text. This gave me two options:
1. Grovel, listen to Sad FM and basically let life go back to how it was 5 months ago.
2. Accept and b happy that he is out of my life for good.
And this time I choose the second option.

Knight. if you are somehow reading this then I'd like to tell you to go fuck yourself have a nice life.

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Good news!

Today I have woken up and realised that life is not a bitch and that this whole Knight drama is pretty irrelevant if we look at The Big Picture.
Yes, he was perfect but that was a year ago. Now he is a douchebag and we just have to wish him luck in his endeavours and we can now move on from this boy and close that chapter.
What has brought on this surge of empowerment I hear you ask?
To be honest, I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's just the knowledge that there will be trillions of other boys that I will fancy and trillions of other situations that I will cock-up. This was just one of many.
Or maybe it is the realisation that I have amazing friends - a fact I was reminded of yesterday when I met up with some of them and ran around Soho.
And so whilst I have no Prince or Knight for me right now, I have awesome friends so I don't need a guy to rescue me from my tower of post-its.
And on that happy note I bid you a cheerful adieu,
Grammar Gal

Monday, 1 October 2012

Mixed Signals

Oh big mistake. Last night I was reading through my old messages from Knight and feeling very sentimental, so I texted him back.
What's the worst that could happen? I asked myself.
Well, chums, here's what happened:
I texted him telling him it would take more than a drunk text for us to be friends again. He replied instantly and said that he wasn't drunk and that we should meet up. I texted back that he should name a date and then I idiotically joked that he should give me the tie-dye t-shirt he promised to give me last year. Bazz is right, that made me sound eager.
Oh, and he didn't reply.
I'm so sick of playing games. If a guy likes a girl he should tell her. If a girl likes a guy she should tell him. If a guy suggests meeting up with a girl he shouldn't then ignore her; no, if a guy apologises for ignoring a girl then he shouldn't then ignore her.
I mean, DAFUQ?!

So from this we have established that Knight is a complicated closed-book Knob. I've always taken full responsibility for the fact that we didn't work out: I had my stupid commitment issues and my ridiculous obsession with work and I punched his heart. But last night told me that it wasn't completely my fault - you can't make a friendship work with someone who will pick you up and then drop you.
And so my lovely Knight in Abercrombie in Fitch is actually a tosser in disguise.

Who knew?
Keep you posted and promise no more rants,
Grammar Gal.

After reading my conversations with Knight last night I just feel so...
A. Idiotic for letting him go
B. Depressed that I will never find that again.
And now Z pales by comparison.
And Prince was too shy; Duke was too dull; Giraffe was too obnoxious; Afro was not my type; the boys from Prince's ball were just...bland.
I fucking hate Knight. I had fully come to terms with the end of our friendship and then he texts me out of the blue. What a complete scumbag.
Eurgh, I'm going back to the Nunnery Agreement. Better yet, maybe I'll find another rebound.