Monday, 13 February 2012

Yard-Sale Day

I wonder how many teenage girls are out there that generally hate Valentine's Day.
Being the day before, one cannot help but feel rather depressed at the prospect of all the happy couples meeting up tomorrow and going on some sort of cutesy date.
Today is Yard-Sale Day. This is the day before Valentine's Day where thousands of women everywhere are desperate, and flirt with random strangers just so they can get a Valentine for tomorrow.
This is like a yard sale, where you buy all that crap which you'll never use, just because there's nothing better there. And that's what Yard-Sale Day is - girls desperately trying to grab onto a guy, even if he's naff and totally not your type.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are boy victims of Yard-Sale Day, but I'm still yet to come across a boy who sits alone in his room and drowns his sorrows listening to Sad FM.

When you're single on Valentine's Day it feels like going to prom without a prom dress - it just feels wrong. Speaking from experience, here are my handy tips to avoid these Valentine Blues:

1. Do not leave your house alone. This may seem rather dramatic, but can you honestly tell me that you can handle seeing lots and lots of smug happy couples eating each other's faces everywhere you turn? Didn't think so.
2. Consume as much edible substance as possible - this comes in the form of Ben and Jerry's, Dominos Pizza take-in and many other yummy treats - the more calories the better. What are men to Maltesers and Marshmallows?
3. If you do want to do something then go to a friend's house and watch chick flicks - it's (probably) scientifically proven to make you feel better.
4. If you are over 18 then the choices are mind-numbingly simple: go to a pub vs go to a club. Either way, alcohol consumption is necessary. But do NOT go by yourself, unless you like the idea of being picked up by some guy who vaguely passes as average-looking in the dim of the club, but who is actually the insanely ugly motherbrudda who you've agreed to go home with. Safety from these rats comes in numbers.
5. Do NOT under ANY circumstances help a friend plan her Valentine's Day with her special person since this shall leave you feeling pathetic/desperate/needy when you know what an awesome time they're having.

If you are in a relationship then ignore all of the above and go and have a brilliant time. Lucky bitch...

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