Friday, 7 August 2015

Sleeping over at a boy's house

I blame my all-girls grammar school upbringing for my awkwardness around members of the opposite sex. Whenever I'm in a room with them, I can feel my heart beating really fast - not in a "oooh he's so dreamy" way, but in a "OMG WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I SAY TO THIS MYTHICAL CREATURE?!?!" way.
So you can imagine how I was feeling when I went and stayed round at my friend's house t'other day. I had so many queries before I even left my house, like
A. What kind of pyjamas does one bring to a boy-girl sleepover? I mean, it's hot so I want to wear shorts, but then do shorts give off a sexual message? Would the guys think I was sending off a "Come and Get It" signal?? So then I thought about taking long trousers but, alas, it's so hot in England at the moment that it's practically the south of France! So I took both shorts and trousers and decided to choose a pair when I got there (I chose shorts in the end because I realised that I have the sex appeal of a gremlin, and that my guy friends would know I wasn't coming onto them anyway!)
B. Where does one sleep at a boy-girl sleepover? In my head, the boys and girls would be lying side-by-side in the living room, or top-tailing on the sofas. But does that constitute sleeping with someone else? If I did that then would that mean I was cheating on my dreamy Mr Melon??? In the end, my guy friend (who was hosting the massive sleepover) decided to let all the girls have the beds - it was a very Titanic moment (you know, where women and children get to go on the lifeboats first) and very...'gentlemanly' according to everyone there. The feminist in me was a wee bit outraged that women were being sectioned off in this way, since it implied that we could not deal with sleeping on the floor. But the sleepyhead in me was not in the mood to make a fuss and, besides, the guy's bed was super comfy!
C. Is it OK to go to the loo at a boy's house? To this day, I'm not sure what the protocol is. I've been to parties at boys' houses before and I always try to hold it. If I'm reallllly desperate, then I allow myself to pee in their house. But what if I needed to do a Number Two?? (This did actually happen at the sleepover!!! I had to hold it in for DAYS. Oh, the agony :'( ). If I was sleeping over at a girl's house then I guess I would have the same dilemma... But it just seems so much worse at a boy's house!

With all of these questions whizzing around my head, I was naturally nervous to stay over. But I ended up having a whale of a time - it was a real hoot and a half!! I also feel like I learned a lot...
1. Beer pong is NOT fun, unless you are
A. Drunk.
B. Invited to play.

2. Boys like to talk about sex when they're drunk.

3. Boys like to lie about whether they vommed or not. My guy friend was vomming in the loo and I could hear him in there, but the next day he said "Yeah, I did chunder once - it was in your neighbour's front lawn - sorry about that!! Banter..?!?!" AND THAT WAS A LIE!! I heard him puking his guts out IN THE TOILET like a decent citizen :')

4. Boys are obsessed with banter.

5. Sometimes at a sleepover, the host will act like a Father Figure. This really baffled me. So I was getting into bed with my female friend, and we were getting all cosy when I suddenly looked up and saw the scariest tiger animal in the world! Its eyes were so piercing and creepy and oooo I'm getting shivers just remembering him. So, yes, I may have let out a little scream. Suddenly, the host was in our room and cracking up about my phobia of this tiger. He brought the tiger towards me and made me stroke it, then told me to take it to bed with me to cure the phobia. At the end of this chat, when my friend and I were back in bed, he said "Night girls" and turned the light off. It was so fatherly!!! I felt very much like a 5-year-old who had just been cuddled after having a nightmare. So bizarre!!!

6. It's OK to use a boy's towel. Now, I had always thought that boy's towels were Strictly Off Limits - because they wipe their...bananas with them. And I don't want to wipe my face with something that boys have wiped their bananas (and oranges!) on. But at sleepovers it is apparently totally normal to borrow a boy's towel. Naturally, I tried to avoid using the towel on my...private areas (what if I somehow got pregnant?!?!).

So anyways, it was a very educational and fun trip!

I have a party coming up tomorrow night and it's fancy dress (Theme: Country of your choice) so, naturally, mother wants me to dress up as a sexy Hawaiin dancer or something. But I'm thinking of painting myself red and going as the dragon from the Welsh flag... I really hope this isn't going to be like when Georgia dresses up as an olive in Angus Thongs... That would be beyond awks!!
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

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