Sunday, 24 May 2015

Men are Elastic Bands... No, wait, they're just bellends

Ok, I'm not saying that all guys are bellends. But according to Mr Gray (author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) guys feel the need to "get away" from their fantabulous girlfriends because they freeak out about commitment and need some alone 'man' time to 'go into their cave' and think about life. What a load of bollocks!

Mr Gray also says that women should just wait around for them to spring back, and that they shouldn't be mad if the guy ignores them, but should instead go shopping. Is anyone else seeing that Mr Gray is single-handedly excusing guys being bellends for no reason??

OK, let's say a girl needs a wee bit of space. Know  what she'd do? Take the day to herself and then text her boy in the evening, making up some valid excuse as to why she'd been away so that she wouldn't hurt his feelings.

Know what boys do? They don't reply to your messages, and then they don't even bother coming up with a valid reason. Or if they do, then the reason has so many holes in it that it's practically a 3-year-old lace thong (we all have one that is way past its wearable date). He may say "Oh, yeah, I was so busy working today" but then casually slips into conversation that he managed to watch an entire season of Friends in that day...

And, as girls, we are meant to respect their space and respect their need to stretch away and go into their caves. Because if we don't then
A. We are apparently Taylor-Swift-at-the-end-of-Blank-Space psycho girlfriends
B. We are prohibiting boys from 'exploring themselves' and letting them become independent creatures away from us - this is according to Mr Bullshit Gray.

But where is the girl's opportunity to find herself? Where's our cave at?? Men are from Mars claims that women are like waves and when they're at the top of the wave they feel fabulous, but when at the bottom they get clingy because they feel shit.

Either way, a girl is clearly dependent on a boy. We aren't allowed this space - instead of being elastic bands, we are velcro.

And so I'd just like to call Bullshit on all of this. If a guy is being unsupportive  then don't send him cutesy smiley emojis and be like "No worries baby boo" (although, if you're calling him baby boo then I may understand why he needs this space). It's time to force them out of their caves, to pull up a chair and tell them to talk.

I'm not saying that you should be like 'TALK' every time he replies to your message a few minutes/hours late, but when things are getting a wee bit ridiculous and you've spent more time with his voicemail message than the hunk that is your boyfriend, then you know something is up!

So, yeah. Stay sassy and stay confident.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

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