Monday, 11 May 2015

An Angry Complaint to Mother Nature

Why hello there, Mother Nature. It's time we had a talk.

Do you remember the time that I was on holiday in Mexico and I wanted to go on a jet ski? Yes. I remember that time well, too. It was an exhileratingly awesome experience, but oh-so painful. Why, you ask? Well, when you're going 60mph over the water and your bum is hitting the seat, it makes your tampon reallllllly hurt your lady parts. It felt like someone was wacking Little Grammar Gal with a Barbie doll. It wasn't fun.

Ooooo or do you remember that party where I wanted to wear my new white lace dress? I was going to look 10/10 would bang and marry and make a boy I liked feel jealous. Know what happened there? You and your bloody (literally) gift. I had to wear all black and therefore looked like an emo and, surprise surprise, he didn't look over at me. Sigh. 

So you can imagine my surprise when, after finally having sex - with Mr Melon  (and thus needing regular periods to be safe in the knowledge that I am not with child) - I am yet to have a period. WHERE IS MY BLOODY GIFT??? You owe me so big. Literally - you owe me £10 for the two pregnancy tests I've bought!!

No, I am not with child. But I may as well be!!! Why won't you just give me my period? I've had enough of this cramps and hormones crap... Grrrrrr you really are a little twazzock.

Think this concludes my rant.
Please please please hurry up.
Your biggest fan (well, I will be if I get my period in the next week)
Grammar Gal xxx

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