I'm going to tell the truth for once. In the last few posts, I've been talking absolute bullshit and I'm about to go on a deleting-spree of all of the things that I said which I didn't mean.
I'm considering deleting this blog altogether but I just love writing it and I can't bring myself to. However, this blog is about to change. It used to be a blog about being a mentally-obese teenager whose idea of flirting is asking a guy what the time is. But now it's been transformed into a poisonous blog where I talk about - and bitch about - guys who have hurt me.
I was very wrong about Funny Guy for many reasons.
Firstly, I thought that he was ignoring me because he realised he didn't like me and he was too cowardly to tell me he'd gone off me. Therefore, I was hurt because I hate being ignored and, yes, I went a bit Over The Top. I wrote a blog post about how I didn't need him and I proceeded to outline the things I didn't like about Funny Guy (and the only thing I could find was that my parents think he is gay. So I rambled on and on about that, when I know he isn't gay and he isn't even that camp) because:
A. I was hurt about him not replying
B. I was scared that I was becoming too clingy and enamoured by him. I talked to him every day and he was funny and intelligent and he treated me nicely (which definitely makes a first!). But then people told me I was really clingy and I realised that I needed to act more aloof. So I wrote horrible things about a perfectly lovely guy, in order to try and convince myself that I didn't like him that much.
Oh, how wrong I was! I think that the line of Knobheads and Manwhores who have bitchslapped my heart has made me so cynical about guys that when he hadn't replied I assumed he had found someone else whilst on holiday, and this is when the posts became vindictive.
And I'm not a vindictive person! Seriously, I hate bitchy people. And I cannot stand hurting people. Literally. I once told my friend Tree that his new hair cut was funny and I couldn't sleep for 2 nights.
And now Funny Guy thinks I am a horrible person because he found this stupid blog and he saw all the horrible things I said about him when I was trying to convince myself that I didn't like him.
Anyways, I have decided to stop talking about lovely people on here. I should have written about all my worries about Funny Guy in my diary like normal people, because now the nicest guy in the world has told me that he never wants to talk to me again.
And I know there is nothing I can do about it, and I have to respect his decision.
But that doesn't make this any easier.
AND I wish he had seen the earlier posts from a couple of weeks/months ago, when I told you guys that I fancied the pants off him and named all of his admirable qualities. But, no. He read the few posts where I acted totally out of character as a Crazy Bitch.
Starting from now, this blog is going back to being the place where I record happy thoughts, and bitchiness stops now.