Technically tomorrow is my birthday but I'm far from being excited.
Firstly, I feel like really cheap. After talking to Bazz and Knight I tried to put things into perspective and told myself that it didn't matter that I got with random guys - it's not that big a deal. But then tonight I told my mother about it (it slipped out!) and she warned me not to be "easy" or boys will "love you and leave you". Instead, I'm supposed to "treat em mean and keep em keen" which was my life-philosophy up until Loverat and the Cruise.
Eurgh I wish I could go back in my tardis and not have kissed one of the coolest boys in my school. I am full of self-loathing because
A. He probably snogged another girl tonight at the party he went to
B. School will be awkward
C. Any attempt to try to be friends could be perceived as desperate/needy/clingy
D. Any attempt at asking him to be friends will be Royally Cocked up
E. He didn't know me and I let him kiss me. Rest assured, I told him about my vow and I told him I didn't want to kiss a guy until I'd dated him. But he was so persuading damn him. And I Royally Regret it.
But basically my mother's words of wisdom have made me feel about as useful as Branflakes.
OH AND ALSO I'm depressed about my upcoming birthday because I haven't fulfilled a lot of my Before-17-Bucket List of things I wanted to do before turning 17:
1. Have a proper holiday romance (preferably with an Italian guy called Paolo) = NOT COMPLETED (Loverat was NOT a holiday romance. He was a Super Rat).
2. Have a relationship that lasted longer than the expiry date of the ham in my fridge = Need I answer?! NOT COMPLETED
3. Ride on the back of a moped = NOT COMPLETED
4. Have a first kiss = COMPLETED but regretted - I would rather have waited for the Dreamy Guy to whisk me away than all of this nonsense (BUT I'm now going to be less easy and more witty, daring and mysterious as of now - promise)
5. Have a boy go to my house just to see me = NOT COMPLETED
Basically, I wanted my life to be along the lines of The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants but, naturally, it turned out more like Breakfast at Tiffany's without the happy ending mixed with Pretty Woman where she's still a prostitute (OK, I may be being slightly melodramatic...)
Keep you posted on the New Me who is actually just the old me (not easy, witty - or at least I try - and an old romantic),
Grammar Gal xxx