Thursday, 21 June 2012

The 5 steps to Move The Fuck On (MTFO)

Today I have deleted 250 texts from Knight that I had saved on my phone, and have only kept my favourite 90-something and I am using this as proof that I am now over Knight. In fact, over the last couple of days I've realised that there's a cycle for how to get over a guy (how to MTFO), so I thought I'd just share these findings with y'all. These steps work whether you've

A. Just realised that the guy you have a massive crush on has a girlfriend.
B. Are in my pickle: you've lost the guy you never even had to some bitch girl with big boobs
C. There are probably other cases for which this applies...

STEP ONE: Denial - naturally you will tell yourself that they are just friends and the "In a relationship" status on Facebook is an inside joke between them or that when you saw them snogging he was just giving her CPR in a standing up position. Naturally.
STEP TWO: Hurt - this may constitute reading texts that he sent you and re-assuring yourself that he did once like you/convincing yourself that you guys had a chance. Or, alternatively, you may just remember good times that you've shared together and question how he could do this to you. Listening to Magic FM may seem essential (or if you're a cool kid like moi then listening to the Magic FM album 3 times or more ought to be sufficient)
STEP THREE: Anger - this may include badmothing the boy to your friends, perhaps thinking of a bitchy nickname for his girlfriend despite the fact that this travesty isn't actually her fault, or even fantasising about bitchslapping him. For me this stage has included all of the above as well as singing the angry punk songs in the shower.
STEP FOUR: Relief - this is where you remember all of the bad things about the relationship and may watch a trillion romcoms to remind yourself that there are plenty of Heath Ledgers from 10 Things... out there and that fishing is a necessity. Deleting a multitude of texts from the boy may also be helpful.
STEP FIVE: MTFO - this is where fishing occurs, you sing happy songs (including the likes of Taylor Swift and 60s Happy Songs) in the shower and feel happier, completely moving on from The Jerk.

At present I'm at stage four, but - hell- we shall MTFO soon enough!
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

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