Now I'm no scientist but I'm fairly sure that pantalones (and by that I mean knickers) that are a size too big should fit one's arse. You can imagine my surprise, therefore, when I realised that this piece of...fabric could barely cover my hand let alone my bottom.
If only I could get a refund but, alas, I had decided to grit my teeth, get the blooming pair on and hobble around uncomfortably all day just to prove to M&S that they hadn't been a waste of money. Only now, naturally, I cannot take them back.
It appears that God has given me a larger bottom than brain.
I'm never sure about the whole Bum Issue. See, I feel that I've been told too many differing things.
Firstly, Sir Mix-A-lot told me that he likes big butts and he cannot lie. So I assumed that having a more...comfortable bottom was seen as more desirable and was naturally chuffed at having being born with this feature.
Then the Women's Magazines came along and told me that I should be taking these 100 Steps To A Better Bikini Body (which includes a smaller bottom). These articles, accompanied with the pictures of stars like Megan Fox and Jennifer Anniston, made it clear that Smaller Is Supposedly Better.
And then there's the fact that the only pair on knickers that are comfortable for me are Large Bridget Jones styled "Granny-pants" which, I won't lie, make my bottom feel like it's in heaven. To me, a G-string is synonymous with the word "torture" and it would take a LOT of persuading in the form of: Terry's Chocolate Orange/ Twirls / Nutella Biscuits / unlimited episodes of Emmerdale to make me voluntarily wear a pair.
Incidentally, Emmerdale is my new all-time favourite thing.
I'm sure that loads of girls my age are at parties right now and doing other badass stuff; but me? I get my kicks out of watching, transfixed, as Laurel and Marlon declare their undying love for each other.
Oh, shush, it was a magical moment!
Keep you posted,