Tuesday, 20 March 2012

My 15 minutes of fame has provoked some serious thought

Today, there was a mini-rumour going around our year that I am dating Afro (since he has a girlfriend and no-one knew who it was and the fact I sat on his lap does seem misleading...).
Had I fancied Afro at all I would have felt envious towards his girlfriend. No, scratch that, if I fancied Afro I would have made a big effort to talk to him more. But, alas, I do not fancy Afro; we having nothing in common and I just think he smells good.
This, however, made me start thinking: people (including you) must think I am a massive whore/slut/fickle numpty. When reading over my previous blog posts I cannot really blame you: it seems that I change my mind about who to fancy every five seconds, so there are some things I need to make clear:
Afro: Smells great. But we have nothing in common. End of.
Y: Sure he's nice but he's not my type and never will be.
Duke: Lovely personality but just a Friend-Type not a Romantic-Type of person.
Giraffe: Total indie bastard who thinks I'm too "mainstream" for him. Somehow his callous ways made me fancy him in year 9...
RockerFella: He seems nice but he's deceitful - he's a nasty bastard and is really slimy.
Prince: Here's where it gets tricky. See, I did love him at one stage (in yr 8) and it was a serious infatuation. But that was then. He's too shy and would never ask me out - albeit he is perfect boyfriend material. However, the likelihood of him asking me out is slim-none so we should move on...

Knight: [ Knight, if you're reading this - which I'm sure you're not - then just STOP READING NOW. ]
I now know that one of the biggest mistakes of this year has been giving Knight the URL to this site because I'm aware he may think I'm a total psycho to still blog about him when we no longer speak. Nonetheless, when I gave him that URL I promised y'all that nothing would change and I'd still blog freely about him (albeit I no longer refer to him as "The Knob"). Besides, our relationship has nothing to lose because we don't speak any more.
But I've now grown up and realised over the past month/whatever it's been, that all of the failures in our relationship have been my fault. Well, the fact he asked me out before I went to France and therefore before I fancied him was perhaps some cruel act of fate. But I am nonetheless culpable of not telling him how I felt as soon as he came back from Africa. After all, there was a good month/2 months where we were still on good terms after he came back from Africa and before he met his girlfriend.
OK, that's where things get tricky. If he didn't have a girlfriend I would persevere: text him, Facebook him, perhaps even call him. But, alas, he has a girlfriend and it would be morally wrong to attempt to get back into his life when he already has a girl there. That doesn't mean that I feel any better.

Unfortunately for me, I am being constantly reminded of Knight - by some cruelty I am having vivid and frequent flashbacks of our days together (just the good bits - the getting lost in Bromley Park and his giving me a white rose whilst we sat on the pavement). This has made it impossible to MTFO (Move The Fuck On). When I look back at past diary and blog entries I cannot help but realise how stupid I was to have been in grasp of The Perfect Boy and to let him slip through my fingers because I am The World's Biggest Douchebag (as Awesome would say).
On days where I'm feeling more optimistic about MTFOing (Moving The Fuck On) I try to remember that Knight and I wouldn't have worked. We only worked in the little world we had when we met up - just the 2 of us. I cannot imagine meeting up with him and his posh/rich/party-animal friends, nor can I imagine him meeting up with my studious (but awesome) friends. I'm not a party animal - I get tipsy at the smell of alcohol, and I'm way too studious. And he loves going out. So we wouldn't be a practical couple.
Oh God! What am I saying?! This is all irrelevant anyway because He.Has.A.Girlfriend. and I'm sure he loves her very much (they are, after all, going to Reading together according to my News Feed) and I wish them ever happiness.

Seriously, I do.

I just hope another Perfect Boy will come along.
Any time now would be great..

Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal

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