Tonight is my first date since Mr Melon and I broke up. I mean, I seem to have been on a couple since then but they were accidental - I thought those guys were just my friends and then they were like "good date?" and I was like "whaaaaaat".
But tonight it's official - I'm a single pringle (the Mayoress of Singletown, in fact) and I have a Tinder Date :O
To say I am unprepared would be a colossal understatement. The date is in an hour and I am sitting here in my sweaty onesie (I really need to wash that!) and mid-cooking disaster. I'm making spaghetti bolognese. I thought the hob thing was boiling my pasta but it turns out it wasn't, so now my mince is cooked but the pasta has 20 mins to go! Quel disaster.
Also, I decided to shave down there but I couldn't quite reach all of it because our shower is pretty tiny, so now half of it is clean-shaven, but the other half is a Lionel-Richie style afro!! Oh well, at least that gives me reason not to bring Tinder Guy back!
That, and my messy room. It looks like a squatter has been living in it for a month - or like Ross' girl's room in Friends with all the rats and stuff. OK, so I don't have rats (but then again, I could do - you literally can't see the floor so there could be a family of them living under my cupboard. Oh dear God, why have I gone down this thought path. Abort thoughts of rat family - abort!!!)
Not only am I unprepared physically, but I also just have no idea how first dates work. Is it like a job interview - will he mark me down if I'm late? Or is it cool to be late, because then I look all James Deane and cool??
FUCK MY LIFE! I JUST BURNT MY LIP ON THE HOTTEST PASTA KNOWN TO MAN - WHO KNEW I WAS COOKING IT ON THE SURFACE OF THE SUN????!!!
I'd better go and sort out my face/clothes/life.
Keep you posted,
Grammar Gal xxx